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Comment by keefe | Hacker News Reader

On the other hand side, people should just man the hell up and stop caring. OMG somebody sent me an angry email. I've gotten dozens, who cares? OMG the girl on the dating site didn't respond to me, along with the other 500 I messaged, who cares? All I care about are my goals. I'll manage the client and if I lose him, move on to find another. I'll keep messaging until a girl responds to me, then go from there. People need to understand that there ARE hundreds of people online and just chill out about reacting to things like that. I don't bitch people out because it's counterproductive, but who cares, seriously.

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This is the correct response to people that behave rudely, but it's not an excuse to behave rudely.

Being rude usually means you care about something. It's better to get 10 angry ranting emails, than not get any emails at all.

That's definitely the right way to think about rants - at least they show someone cares.

[edit] Meant to reply to axod's post.

This is incredibly true. I used to run an online multiplayer game, and a few times I found that the really angry/upset players often became really big fans after I addressed their concerns. I guess that people are only going to get really angry/frustrated if they actually want to use your product.

OTOH, some people are just assholes.

Seconded. I wrote an online game as a 16 year old (10 years ago) with all the bugs that a 16 year old might code (though no SQL injections!) and there were tons of angry/concerned players whenever something happens. Most of the players understand (I was young) but also got quite a bit of angry threats, which was a bit much for a young 'un. So I kind of stopped caring about it, and now few people complains because few people care about it. At least it's a growing lesson!

This is a possible coping strategy, but a shitty excuse for being rude. Not everyone is an attention-whore.

On the other hand side, people should just man the hell up and stop caring.

Some people take these things hard. I'm one of them, some days. Developing a thick skin is important, but I would never view "stop caring" as a positive way to deal with anything.

I think he means "Stop caring about random strangers on the internet".

I actually also mean : stop letting every negative event that occurs set you into a downward spiral of negative emotions. My philosophical beliefs are that the vast majority of people allow themselves to put far, far too much energy into negativity.

i think of "stop caring" as in...care about it on a professional standpoint but don't ever take things personally.

I'm not sure how healthy it is to think about people entirely in terms of goals or statistics.

OTOH How healthy is it to get hung-up/offended/upset about random internet strangers?

Say you just met someone at a party, and you're having a conversation about something, when suddenly unprovoked they start tearing you a new one.

Would you be upset? But yet, this person is no less of a stranger to you than someone on a board on the internet, or anywhere else.

The fact that you don't see their face makes little difference.

It's nice to pretend that we're logical machines where we don't care about anything that doesn't materially affect us, but the truth of the matter is that we're all human, and when someone rails on us, even perfect strangers, it sucks.

Now, a healthy human being will pick themselves up and move on, but I don't think at any point it will simply not affect us at all.

I disagree.

In real life, there's an element of safety. If someone's hurling verbal abuse at my face, I'd be worrying that they're going to get physical. The same isn't true online unless they cross over into real life and come hunt you down.

If someone writes a ranting email/comment on here about how much I suck, I'd likely read it, see if it's funny or just boring, and move on. If you're going to rant, you should at least try and make it witty and clever.

Just by posting on this board you are kind of proving your own point wrong. If you don't get affected by the negative (because it's virtual and has no real risk), it's hard to argue you'd be affected by the positive. If your connection isn't real/risky enough etc to feel pain I don't think it's real enough to feel pleasure either. In which case I'd ask why you are bothering talking to us.

Eating chocolate gives pleasure and comes with little real risk. Not everything needs to be deeply emotional.

Eating chocolate isn't a form of interactive communication. Kind of irrelevant here.

>> "In which case I'd ask why you are bothering talking to us."

Mainly boredom, apathy, reluctance to do any work, etc

Seriously though, the same applies to the positive - If someone posts a comment saying how awesome I am and how much they admire me, I'd just laugh and move on. I wouldn't suddenly be euphorically happy. It's just online banter - they could be deranged, they could be being sarcastic, they could be trying to get something, etc.

Anything said online/in emails etc shouldn't be taken that seriously.

I'd say 1 real life person saying something (positive or negative) is probably equivalent to about 100 online people saying the same.

An interesting view, but I don't think it will last (it might with you, but not in general).

Our online identity is becoming more important and people will increasingly rely on it for a part of their personal identity in the coming years. Hopefully, however, it means that as people invest more of their identity into their online interactions they will become more sensitive to the fact that others do as well.

This is utter nonsense. Why is it that you assume that negative emotions are necessary and valid? I'll read the rant and maybe learn something from it. If the girl doesn't respond to me, there's a reason for it. Pain is a fleeting thing, let it pass you by. It is not necessary to identify with it other than as a signal that something needs to be dealt with. This does not diminish positive emotions. Quite to the contrary.

So what sort of rants do you consider witty, then? Use me as a target. :p

I wouldn't be the least bit upset. Fuck 'em.

You make good points, but something is definitely lost when someone is forced to give up a sensitive personality due to an overly-abrasive society. Politeness is good for us.

Politeness is good for us. Weakness is not.

This used to be why I liked OKCupid. If you rated somebody with a 1-star rating, and they did the same, then OKC told you, and there were no hurt feelings, just "hey they're not interested". At some point someone got hurt feelings, and the instantaneous feedback of "if I give her a 1 star, do I get an email telling me she's not interested, since women tend to be indirect and not want to hurt feelings" went away. It turned into a wall you threw your introductory messages over, with a bottom-less pit on the other side of the wal.

"Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness [good manners] provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as "empty", "meaningless", or "dishonest", and scorn to use them. No matter how "pure" their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best."

- - Lazarus Long

Sometimes the angry sounding posts online are just a front. When I was a teenager full of angst, I'd write stuff like this online too. If you ever want to get a beer, and you know, share your feelings--I'm here for you man.

I would argue that we seek out communities where we don't have to do this.

you bring up a good point. Having been fostered in the world of ecommerce, I've dealt with my share of angry customers. I've found that people find every chance they can get to get a discount or get something if they're remotely not happy with what they get.

sometimes you gotta cut your losses and remind yourself that some customers aren't worth servicing.

The book 'The four hour work week' mentions a case where the author eventually decided to cut all the customers that were taking up the majority of his time in support, hand-holding, etc and just went with the bulk customers that were happy with his service.

Man thanks for posting this. I wanted to post this when I first saw this thread, but I was too chicken shit to say it.

Agreed. Everyone should be nice, but sometimes you just have to wear your "Thanks, but I don't give a f$$k" hat.

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