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Comment by specialist | Hacker News Reader

"selfish and manipulative in interactions with other people"

aka reciprocal altruism.

As I've aged, I've embraced transactional relationships.

My metaphor is "playing catch". Toss the ball, hope your partner tosses it back. Repeat. The goal is to keep the game going.

Some one doesn't throw the ball back, oh well, move on to next partner.

Works remarkably well for children, lovers, coworkers, grocery store checkers, and every other relationship in my life.

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> My metaphor is "playing catch". Toss the ball, hope your partner tosses it back. Repeat. The goal is to keep the game going. Some one doesn't throw the ball back, oh well, move on to next partner.

Also known as "tit for tat" in the Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma, a very successful strategy.

...move on to next partner. Works remarkably well for children

I'm curious how you actually follow through on that with children. It's hard to move on from them (without inflicting lifetime psychological trauma, anyway).

I don't think it means that he moves on from children but that among children they will move on to another friend.

Well, ya. One's own children are a special case. Even so, they can test you (thinking of the house ape that moved back into my basement).

But universally, I try to meet everyone, especially children, where they're at. Children get a lot more chances to learn how to throw the ball back. And I always leave the door open.

TMI: one of the biggest surprise to me is connecting with nieces / nephews when they're much older, when we didn't particularly like each other earlier.

"House ape" .... I'm using this.

Please don't. If you have difficulties with your children, using this term can only make them worse.

??? Why on earth would I say this to my children? ???

Such a weird assumption to make ...

It is the straightforward assumption that house ape was used to refer to the original posters son returned from adulthood and with a negative connotation. That is why the assumption was made. I cannot imagine what other use you could have imagined given such clear context.

That I would use it in a context/audience that wasn't my children. I personally find that an odd default assumption.

I under no circumstance assumed that OP says "house ape" to his sons face .... did you?

Maybe I'm the odd duck here.

It's clearly about his son, though I don't assume he says it straight to his face. I thought you were also thinking of your offspring. Sorry I've misunderstood.

is that a euphemism for a slashdot moderator?

But aren't interactions with nieces/nephews usually filtered through their parents, until they're grown up? Maybe it was just this way for me, but I didn't have many real interactions with my aunts/uncles until I grew up and left home.

It's not necessarily cutting the person out of your life. You can move on from the conversation, then come back to it another time.

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