I have a five-year-old with a big defiant streak. Every kid is different, and what works for one kid or one parent won't necessarily work for another.

One strategy that works sometimes is defuse and distract. When the kid is fighting against you and not listening, go to "oh, so you want to be tickled" and get them laughing long enough to forget that they were mad or defiant.

Or suggest silly alternatives -- put his pants on his head if he fights getting dressed, or pretend-feed his food to the teddy bear, and the plant, and the microwave, etc., if he won't eat it.

Timeouts with the kid alone don't work well for us either; but sitting with them and waiting until they sit still and settle down does sometimes.

The hard part is always time. With enough patient one-on-one grownup time we can get through any one defiant fight well enough, but when you are in a rush and the other kids need attention too... it is hard.