Ask HN: How to tell a good friend you don't want to include him in your startup? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How to tell a good friend you don't want to include him in your startup?

15 pointssueddie14 comments

What if you have a good friend, but you do not want to include him in your startup. Because you usually have technical disagreements, because he is a control freak, because you don't like his work ethic, because he is used to being your manager. But you do want to include other joint friends...

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Not to be a dick, but just man/woman up. Tell him/her that sorry, I just don't think we'd make good partners right now and (if true) I'd rather preserve our friendship. If it is true tell them the friendship is more important then a business that may or may not make it, and frankly you don't think the two of you would make a successful business together right now.

If they don't grasp that they are a pretty fair weather friend to begin with so don't loose sleep and get your business moving.

I don't think this advice is "dickish" at all - it's really the only way forward. If anything, passive aggressively boxing your friend out of the business because you're afraid of tackling the situation head on is the dick move.

From another angle: their being your friend doesn't grant them partnership privileges.

One of the biggest reason my startup failed was I included friends who didn't bring value. We kept in the group because he was a good friend, when it came to delivery, he was bad.

Once the business started to fail, we started to fight between each other. We lost our friendship and the business. If I could go back in time, I would have had this chat with him.

On the other side, I talked to a friend of mine who is running a successful business in Toronto. He started his business when I was his room mate in university. I was very bitter that he didn't include me as his business partner. His answers were that I didn't bring value to his business. I am glad he did that, because we are still friends and he is willing to help me with whatever business I start in the future.

I might say, "I don't think I can do a startup with you and still maintain our friendship. And I'd rather be your friend." (Without telling him/her why you can't do a startup and still be their friend...)

nice. i'm sure i have heard this one before ('a startup' => :sex)

Yeah maybe propose doing something else with him, that you'd want to do. Maybe he's really great tennis partner or something and you enjoy playing tennis, then you could do that with him instead. That's if you're close to him though. If it's my close friend and I'm in this situation, and my friend feels excluded, I'd assure him with: "I play tennis with you, but not with any of the other guys. You are an important friend to me".

"You are a good friend, but I need people who can follow my lead, and I'd never say you are a follower."

Damn, that one's good.

Yeah it's like something from how to win friends and influence people

I've had this problem with my family. I own a brick & mortar business with my brother, and I am a developer. I built a side-project that he was part of and he failed to do his part, and it is just sitting, stagnating at this point.

He has more ideas he wants to pursue and I'm unwilling, due to his role in the first.

But because I have an ongoing partnership in the b&m business, it's hard to be fully forthcoming about not wanting to work with him.

My situation is different in that I'm not going ahead with the idea without him. Mostly I've just put off working with him again and he hasn't been too persistent about getting started on anything.

Even still, if I were faced with the conversation of "why don't you want me to be a part of this?," I would tell him exactly why. He wasn't a good co-founder in the past, I don't expect he will be this time either, and I'm not prepared to risk another business on him.

I would tell your "good friend" that you don't enjoy working with him, even though you like him, and that you won't be including him.

How valuable is your other friend to the startup? It might be easier to start this on your own without including any friends in the same circle.

It's always going to be awkward if you're talking about how great your startup is going and he got left out.

Keep business separate from your friendships.

Businesses are a lot easier to find than a good group of friends.

Most startups fail, friendships can easily be forever. Don't mix them if you think it's going to be trouble from the start.

Good luck with your startup and keeping your circle of friends together.

When a friend wants to start a business with me, I just tell them my rule:

I don't work with friends, and I don't make friends at work. I keep those two areas of my life completely separate.

The benefits are: you can make whatever business-decisions are prudent without worrying about upsetting a friendship, and you can make whatever friendship decisions you want without worrying about how it effects your business.

I have a similar mantra for business & family, never mixing the two.

I lost a good friend because I included him in my startup and it didn't work out. So simply say that you don't want to risk loosing him as a friend.

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