Ray is a clean-cut, straight-arrow kind of guy, so it's been very hard for him to spend the last 11 years of his life surrounded by actual criminals.
He really wants to become just another person — not an ex-con.
But it's a bit of a drag to see you write off "ex-gang members" the way that you did. These are human beings that deserve your respect. If someone does their time and holds down a job, what's not to admire?
Your man was a soldier and he survived 11 years in prison as an innocent man. I suspect that he'd really enjoy meeting the folks at Homeboy even if he didn't end up working there.
I feel like "trying to turn their life around" is code for doing the bare minimum to live in a civilized society. (Get a legal job, pay your taxes, take care of your kids, and don't break the law)
For some people, that's a massive change compared to what they've experienced in the past. Those things may all seem easy to us, but imagine if you had the opposite habits and how difficult it could be to take the unfamiliar path towards civilised society.
Out of interest, do you feel the same about drug addicts and alcoholics who make an effort to break their addictions? Are they deserving of respect in your eyes?
So what does meet your bar? What actions could a former criminal take to earn your respect?
> "Similarly, I don't tell others how they should feel."
Note that I've only asked you questions, I did not tell you how to feel.
However, I think it is fair: someone who has spent 11 years in prison and continues to endure punishment for a crime they did not commit does deserve special treatment. He deserves to be where he would be had he never been falsely accused in the first place. I don't think that is with an ex-con/ex-gang recovery organization, no matter how good it is.
That said, it isn't a normal job training program. If you had a friend with no criminal record who was looking for work, I doubt you send him to Homeboy Industries in order to get job training.
Ray was in prison, but he isn't someone trying to turn his life around after falling in with gangs or crime. He was a Sergeant in the U.S. military who had his freedom taken for no reason.
He has just been forced to spend 11 years of his life with people from backgrounds that led them into the criminal-justice system. Some of them are good people, others are not. But none of them came from the same circumstances as Ray, a man who risked his life for our country and never did anything to society for which he needs to atone.
I will certainly tell him about Homeboy Industries and let him make his own decisions. But I think it's totally reasonable if, after being forced to spend 11 years surrounded by convicts, he now chooses to seek out situations where he will be able to spend time around "normal" folks.
I already left links to a couple of my sites in another comment. I will also suggest panning for gold as a potential path forward. You can set your own hours. The only human interaction required is finding a buyer, and I know an online site if he is interested. It can pay decently.
I don't quite know what else to say. It has been a long day and I am tired. If he is interested, I would rather discuss it (panning for gold) further privately.
You are doing a good thing. Unfortunately, most people you speak with will not see what you see: That he doesn't need reform because his life was stolen from him. Most people just won't really get it. So, trying to find good answers will be challenging.
My hat is off to you.
Perhaps Ray could decide for himself once your GoFundMe funds run out.