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Turn off the option to notify your network in your Linkedin profile, that'll sort out most of these issues.

"Congrats on your new role !" - No, dude, I got the promotion a year ago, it's just that I am now looking to jump ship so I updated my Linkedin

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I often get suggestions to connect to my dead mother. I just figured linkedin liked me as much as I like them.

I get connect requests from women who are the manager of Ford Motor Company in Nigeria, or the Vice President of some bank in London, or other ludicrous and unlikely occupations. Always women. Every other day or so.

LinkedIn is just looking out for you. They know kids will continue your legacy, bigger userbase. Cough cough. >.<

off-topic, but how long do you guys wait before updating linkedin with new job/start adding new coworkers?

3 months or so. If the job has a trial period I definitely don't want to add all my colleagues before the trial period is over. I also don't like adding people who start at my company until I know that they're good at their jobs.

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