1. Society does make sense.
2. People ought to tell you when you do something rude. At that time they can offer the reason (there is a reason).
3. The people in the example are poorly socialized.
4. The socially skilled are just as rare as the mathematically skilled. The average person is just as atrocious socially as mathematically.
Socially skilled people make good businessmen and politicians. They can engage in "powertalk" (http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/11/11/the-gervais-principle-i...). They have charisma. They parlay a lucky strike running for the Senate into a successful Presidential run four years later. They radiate reality distortion fields. This is rather different than simply being able to speak the protocol.
Try to reframe it as nerds vs the world or even better, nerds vs the normals and then maybe we can talk.
'I suggest' you consider Geek vs Nerd (or even more generally avant-garde vs outlier) to recognize that the antagonism is internal.
It takes a lot of work and practice, but it could be learn like anything else.
anyone care to opine on a massive question i have: does body language precede mentalization? discuss.
2) Maybe they should, but they clearly don't.
3) Yes, they are poorly socialised. There may be many reasons for this, including built-in brain differences.
4) Most people, from what I can tell, is much better socially skilled than they are mathematically.
1) Because society is predictable. Groups act in predictable ways. Everything that's predictable makes sense.
2) But good friends do.
3) A well socialized nerd can interact with different groups. He is comfortable with hostile nerd speak (where you must be able to back up every statement with layers of facts) and he's comfortable with small talk / casual conversations with "normal" people. Most socially well adjusted people on the other hand can _only_ talk in their setting. They're completely lost as soon as they're in an environment with different social rules. (Of course there are obvious exceptions)
4) I agree. But the difference between people who are socially really smooth and "most people" is probably just as big as the gap between "most people" and socially maladjusted outcasts. If I pay a little attention I see regular people make big social mistakes all the time.
and some even have bad emotional controls so that they can't see a rational process through for more then 10 minutes.
this is relevant because social skills are largely dependent on emotions (love, trust, fun, ...)
Ok, so explain to me what's so rude about holding my fork in my right hand?
But anyway, I guess society is real, that is, "a sum greater than it's parts". By sticking to the rules, you signal conformity with society. If you don't follow the rules, but still dine at the table, you might just be a parasite of society.
That's probably not the real reason, but that doesn't prove that there is no reason. Frankly I am surprised that nerds would give up on questions like that - I thought they LIKE puzzles?
Things like that are often being studied in economics, I think. Personally I think it is pretty fascinating. (Forks are maybe an especially stupid example, for example dating and gender roles are more relevant).