Still Friends with Your Ex? You're Probably a Psychopath | Hacker News Reader

Still Friends with Your Ex? You're Probably a Psychopath

esquire.co.uk

6 pointsstared13 comments

Writing articles like this? You've probably got a wordcount to fill.

I doubt that was the case. It was actually an interesting read.

In that sense I am a meta-psychopath, as I consciously consider that people who are friends with their exes are better. Why? Because if people aren't, it means at least one of the following:

- they choose their mates randomly or based on superficial things (so there is no need to stay in touch after a breakup),

- they are horrible people (so the other side does not want to stay in touch),

- they keep finding horrible people,

- they need a scapegoat or are vengeful,

- they are overly emotional and cannot get over a breakup,

- they are overly envious.

(I am in good relations with most of my ex-girlfriends.)

Actually, in that sense you are a psychopath, since you are in good relations with most of your ex-girlfriends.

Also, how is not keeping an ex in your life a sign that you're overly emotional and can't get over a breakup? Keeping an ex out of your life is you getting over the breakup. Also, you can't be envious of someone you keep out of your life. More could be said about the rest of your list, which is just bad to be honest.

Or just an enabler? :-)

I see it as both manipulative (of the ex) and disrespectful to the current. It's one thing to be Facebook Friends, it's another to bring the competition into the dining room. It took me a while to pick up on this. When Harry Met Sally [0] wasn't 100% true, but it's true enough to be a general guide.

[0] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

wait, there's a competition? If anyone feels like competing with their parthner ex on the dinning room isn't that lack of self confidence instead of disrespect from the parthner?

Competition?

Who on earth is in a competition???

(I find that to be solidly awful way to view relationships.)

It would be nice to say that people are above emotions in life, but my current will always view my exs as competition. It's just the way it is, and I accept it.

If you think yours doesn't, you may have an enlightened girlfriend, or she may just not be sharing her beliefs.

Would you be 100% ok if your current had an ex who kept showing up?

Agreed. A girlfriend is first and mostly a friend, otherwise it's superficial.

The capacity of meta-psychopaths to justify their psychotic tendencies is just astounding. :)

Headline misrepresents article. The relevant conclusion isn't "if you're friends with your ex, you're more likely to be a psychopath" - it actually notes that the most common reason people stayed friends with their exes was that they considered them trustworthy, etc. Rather, the finding was "being a psychopath was among a number of factors that might make you more likely to be friends with your ex". That causal direction is hard for journalists sometimes.

Maybe those of you who are more experienced can tell me if my ex is a psychopath. I started dating in my twenties and by that age she wanted already to get married. I was at the stage of being willing to spend money with her, just to learn and get some experience, but I did not want her to think that I have any thoughts of marriage, my mistake was that I showed her my address. Later I texted her in my own words that we can't make it further and after two weeks she texted me asking if we could just be friends; I wanted our relationship to be less visible but I could not forgive her. I let you judge, who is more psychopath please ?

> but for men sexual access was rated as a more important factor than for women which despite not being uplifting news isn't all that surprising.

Sexist much?!

> chose strategic reasons such as sexual access rather than emotional ones

Hm... I think "I like spending time with someone because sex" and "I like spending time with someone because emotions" are both equally strategic reasons.

Anyways, here is the study. I haven't read it, but I imagine this article is highly editorialized.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886916...

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