Comment by falcolas | Hacker News Reader

Comment by falcolas | Hacker News Reader

Based on the training I've received - document the incident, talk to the problem employee and remind him that this is not appropriate business behavior, and warn him that a repeat performance will not be tolerated, nor will any attempts at retribution aimed at the company at large, or the female employee. Provide training to the company at large, so they know what is, and what is not acceptable in a business. Get training yourself so you know the law and how to handle this in the future.

I disagree with the chorus of "Fire him now!" in the other comments; startups hire a lot of folks straight out of college, so there's a significant chance that the employee in question has never been informed of what is, and is not, appropriate when they want to pursue a romance with someone from the office. What may be acceptable in a college classroom is very different from what is acceptable in an office.

Mistakes happen, words and body language which were not included in the chat log may have been misconstrued... you have one side of the story right now. Get both sides, and give the opportunity for the man to learn.

Involving a lawyer to ensure that you're on the right side of the law is, of course, a damned good idea. Especially if you end up deciding that you want to go down the road of firing.

If you don't know by 21 that calling a woman a milf is degrading and offensive, you're never going to learn. Or at least not in any timeframe where it's valid for this company.

I think you over estimate how mature people are. I worked at a bottom heavy company and constantly wondered if I was this immature at their age.

Amen. Everyone knows; it's just a kid getting out of punishment to say otherwise. Readers might be impressed at just how resistant some people are to learning what's offensive: they can learn calculus, botanical names, database management, but miraculously just never figure out that hitting on colleagues is problematic.

Come on. You've still got a lot to learn about women if you think that. Where appropriate, calling a woman a MILF is actually perfectly acceptable. Here are specific comments I've made to women: "Ummm. MILFY.", to "That is nice, milfy look." The receivers include romantic prospects, girlfriends, my wife, and female friends. It is not something I use everyday, but it is very much within acceptable bounds. No one has ever been offended by my use of the word MILF. Why? Because I understand proper social etiquette. Example: my wife is dressed to the nines before we're about to out. MILF. In my past, woman at bar is receptive to my advances, I comment on her "milfy" shoes.

What is not acceptable is jumping to "MILF" or "DTF?" within a professional setting. Workplace courtship requires careful advancement with an ability to permanently halt at the drop of a hat. The recipient of an advance must always have full power. This new employee failed at corporate worker bee 101. He cannot be trusted with employees, customers, or clients. He should be terminated.

> If you don't know by 21 ... you're never going to learn

Ah, the good old "people's personalities are set in stone by 21" canard. If people were 'never going to learn', then first-wave feminism wouldn't have attracted anyone over 20, for example.

This kind of statement is just an excuse to throw a person under a bus, rather than take the effort to educate them.

> Or at least not in any timeframe where it's valid for this company.

And this is also nonsense. A simple talk can be enough. When I was at university, one of the professors kept asking improper questions of the female students, told to me by a female colleague. I went to my professor and asked what could be done, mentioned what my female colleague said (and stressed that she'd asked not to be named). My professor had a chat with the questionable professor, and the problem disappeared instantly.

It's called 'feedback', and we ask it of our colleagues, our clients, our trainees and trainers. Some people respond really well to feedback. For those that don't, well, at least you tried to improve things rather than kick the can down the road to someone else to deal with.

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