Comment by Nrsolis | Hacker News Reader

Comment by Nrsolis | Hacker News Reader

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I feel like a lot of people are missing the larger point of this story: BE KIND. Because everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about.

I'm not going to excuse her rant or her poor decision making skills as she navigates her way through life. What I am going to sympathize with is the fact that she had a rough start in life and precious few examples around her to show her how to make good vs. bad decisions. I meet plenty of people like this; people who are unprepared for the rush of responsibility they carry when thrust out in the world to care for themselves. Most of us at least know what we should be doing even if we don't always do it. We had an example. I don't think this young woman had that benefit and now she is learning the hard way all of the lessons she should have been learning long ago.

So may very well be a spoiled-brat entitled millennial, but I'm more inclined to suggest that her story is a lot more complicated than we've been led to believe, even given what we've learned about her upbringing from this article.

(Side note: one of my buddies is now retiring from the US Marine Corps; I didn't find out until I heard from someone planning his retirement party that before he joined the Marines he'd been homeless. When I tell you that he's one of the most inspiring and intelligent people I know, I'm not exaggerating. BE KIND.)

If there is any comment in this thread that should be read, that was it.

It's easy to lose sight of our humanity when we live comfortable lives, isolated from the people who don't. We make ourselves succeptible to compelling narratives to make us feel more secure about ourselves, and more justified in being unkind or unempathetic to others.

> precious few examples around her to show her how to make good vs. bad decisions.

I don't need examples to conduct basic arithmetic to show that I cannot afford somewhere to live. There are millions of people with similar or worse upbringing who actually learn something from that upbringing and decide to not do dumb shit that has a high chance of introducing financial ruin.

And here we have another example of someone who doesn't get it.

You're saying that you wouldn't make the mistakes she has made because you'd know better, right? You'd use math or logic or any of your abilities to make the CORRECT choice, right?

You're completely missing the fact that it's not YOU that's got the burden of making those correct choices, but HER. And she is having a hard time doing it despite her best efforts.

Somewhere in the world, there is a guy judging you for screwing up because HE knew better than you did when you made that last mistake you made. And boy....THAT one was a WHOPPER. What were you THINKING?!?!

> You're saying that you wouldn't make the mistakes she has made because you'd know better, right? You'd use math or logic or any of your abilities to make the CORRECT choice, right?

No, I'm saying that was red flag number one. She then made a series of mistakes that led to her current situation. All of the facts were available to her when she signed up for the job and instead of accepting personal responsibility, she pointed the finger at her employer. She would have a leg to stand on had she been a long-term employee that got caught up in rising rents or something similar but that was not the case.

I have empathy for everyone who gets caught up in bad situations that are out of their control. I do not have any for someone who willfully enters into a situation and blames someone else for the outcome. If I'm unable to sustain my current state of living with a job I voluntarily chose, how is it anyone else's fault but my own?

> Somewhere in the world, there is a guy judging you for screwing up because HE knew better than you did when you made that last mistake you made. And boy....THAT one was a WHOPPER. What were you THINKING?!?!

When I make mistakes, I accept responsibility, learn from them, and try not to make them again. I do not try to publicly shame someone else who could at best be described as indirectly contributing to my situation. I'm quite okay with anyone judging me because I only have control over what I do in a situation and if I let something like that affect me, I could potentially miss out on gaining experience that can only be learned through failure.

That's YOU bub. That's not HER.

YOU learned to accept responsibility. SHE didn't. YOU learned to acknowledge your mistakes. SHE didn't.

Now she IS learning and she's learning it the HARD way instead of the EASY way, namely, by haranguing from the Internet Mob.

Buddy, you need to really think about this. Are you so callous that you can't see that there wasn't a single person in this girl's life that showed her how to stand on her own two feet? She'll either learn or she won't. It's going to be hard for her either way. Are you so indifferent to someone's struggle that you can't at a minimum think about how hard it must be to live their life and be thankful you're not similarly burdened?

Sure, she's learning by moving to another extremely expensive place that could once again easily lead to financial ruin. Whose fault will it be then?

I'm not disagreeing on the fact that she had a tough childhood. All I'm saying is that blaming other people for your shortcomings should not be encouraged. You're talking about a struggle when I see a young white college-educated woman. Do you know how far ahead that puts her in this country? Struggle is getting pregnant in high school and living in section 8 housing without a chance to dig yourself out of it.

Got it bub?

Not every person's struggle is the same and comparing two people who are struggling just misses the point entirely.

That lady who is stuck in Section 8 housing with a newborn you just mentioned? She's WAY better than the DRUG-ADDICTED mother on the street who has to prostitute herself to support her habit. That drug-addicted prostitute? WAY better than the victims of human-trafficking here in the USA and abroad. Those victims of human-trafficking? THEY are way better off than the women of places like sub-Saharan Africa who are quite literally dying of starvation and disease that could be treated with simple low-cost medications if not for the enormous problems of distribution and diversion.

So, since you're so hell bent on piling-on to this mob attacking this woman, why not instead have a modicum of sympathy who might be struggling to keep from being their own worst enemy? Is that so much harder to do than to have sympathy for the drug-addicted woman or the runaway who is now a human slave?

She brought her situation to the world. This is a discussion forum. People are discussing it.

You seem to be arguing that we should only discuss things that are positive and supportive, and that in seeking the truth of the situation we should ignore anything that is not "kind"

Please try to avoid sarcastic terms of endearment in your response, if you choose to make one.

No.

What I'm suggesting is that we all keep in mind that ANY of us could have started from where she started. I reject the premise that "The Internet" somehow gives us license to judge someone through the narrowest of lenses. You and I (nor anyone reading these words) aren't even remotely qualified to pass judgement on this person.

And please refrain from instructing me on what terms I can use in the ordinary course of discussing something I'm passionate about. I don't speak to anyone in any way online that I wouldn't when directly in their company.

Yep, just had this actually happen to me. Blew up on someone in the company parking garage and did not know he was a friend of the firm. He in turn told my boss who then brought it to me. Ended up filing an 'incident' which will prohibit any raises and limit bonus for the next year.

I did not loose my job or end up poor but I bet that guy is thinking "what an idiot, what were you thinking" not knowing how this did impact me.

Prob a poor anecdote but damn did I learn my lesson. Especially since it impacted me financially.

We all make mistakes, financially or otherwise. The point is that we should learn from them and not keep repeating them.

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