Pulling The Plug on Bad Customers

I occasionally run into the (really) bad customers myself. Here's one:

* Doesn't know how to place an order through the website, so I write out a step-by-step tutorial of what to click to do so. It's rather short, as checkout is a one-form process with about 5 fields.

* E-mails me back that it doesn't work and I'm clearly discriminating against him for some reason.

* I reply with apologies and a screencast showing how to place an order.

* E-mails me back that his credit card was declined and I must be doing it on purpose. The mail to me is carbon copied to the White House and to the FBI.

* I e-mail him back that this is completely untrue, and his card was declined because the billing address provided wasn't correct according to his bank.

* He e-mails me back a week later telling me that he is going to "bring suit under Federal child custody interference laws" as my not accepting his order is harming his "ability to provide for his son". This mail is carbon copied to the White House and to Senator John McCain. I decide at this point to ignore the mail entirely.

* He forwards the same mail to me 6 times from multiple e-mail addresses, each time carbon copied to another government agency and random senators. I continue to ignore these mails.

* Two months later he sends a fresh set of e-mails, reiterating that he will have to sue me under some federal acts for failing to help his business, saying that "this is a hate crime" because it is "only hate" that I would not accept his order, and carbon copying the mail to USA TODAY's editor e-mail and some address I don't recognize @whitehouse.gov

I have found that the absolute best way to handle this is to make sure the customers are good customers before you acquire them. Here are some tips:

1) Charge for your services. If you don't charge, you get people who undervalue your work and treat you like you are their servants and will whip you every chance they get. Don't work for free.

2) Treat customers with respect. Try to understand why they are upset or angry or not being a good customer. If you empathize, you'll probably find that you have behaved like they are with some other company or service provider. Why were you acting that way? What could have pulled you out of it?

3) Under promise and over deliver. If you don't deliver, they feel cheated, misled, and abused. If you say you will do something, do it. If you don't, you're a liar and people don't like liars. They will treat you bad out of spite. When you over deliver, customers are shocked and amazed and will sing your praises to the world!

4) Take a break. If you are getting abused, simply stop responding to the person for a week or two. Let them contact you again in a nicer tone. When you let them sit on their bad behavior without responding, they usually try another approach.

I'm a freelancer web developer who recently had to cut loose a client of mine. It was fantastically awesome and I recommend it to any one who has a particular client or customer who creates more hassle than the revenue they generate is worth.

I wasn't a total jackass when I did it. I was very polite and suggested they find someone else to meet their needs but I was clear in stressing that I was no longer interested in going forward with them.

There weren't any hard feelings on their end and I got a lot of peace of mind when it was over and done with. I wish I had done it, quite literally, years ago.