Microsoft Password Reset Black Hole

I'm attempting to reset a Microsoft password so I could access my developer account. I hadn't logged into Microsoft in a while and assumed it would be as easy as sending a recovery e-mail. NOPE!

I entered the recovery email address and didn't receive the e-mail (it was to a old college email address that was no longer active).

Called my former college and asked them to reactivate it, but because I failed the first attempt at their bizarre password recovery form (I believe I am locked out, and can no longer receive codes on my recovery email!?)

Now after 3 attempts entered "Subjects of Emails I've recently sent" (No explanation- is this for an @outlook address? Or my gmail?!)

Calling Microsoft support just redirects you to another recovery screen and disconnects you from the phone.

With questions like "Subjects of recently sent emails" and "Recently sent email recipients addresses" It makes me wonder what the hell they're thinking by not telling me from which e-mail address they're referring? Google? Do they have a way of asking Google if this is even accurate?