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Comment by reubenmorais | Hacker News Reader

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family. Because of all this I've gotten very good at suppressing most of my emotions. I have a hard time maintaining my friendships and meeting new people, and I can't help but resent my own family for something that is really not their fault. They in turn resent me for being cold and distant.

Anyway, sorry for ranting, the article just made me feel like sharing this, for a change.

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You should go talk to someone professional about all this. It'll definitely be helpful

I'm curious and I think others might be as well. How does one possibly go about finding a therapist who is a good fit? It seems like searching for a needle in a haystack -- akin to finding a good life partner which requires lots of trial and error.

I think for a lot of people it's trial and error. When I was researching, I went through a list of local therapists, reading their descriptions and website, and eventually narrowed the list down to 3-4. I then set up a session with all of them, and then made my decision. Worked for me.

I went to a doctor and got anti-depressants first. I didn't find a good therapist until a couple years later, but the meds helped.

yea zoloft gave me a new lease on life even at minimum doses.

But most therapists are useless.

See a professional as soon as possible. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If you can't hide it from your mom, then don't. Your life and health are too important. And anyway, seeking help doesn't mean you stop being a source of support for others -- if anything, it'll make you better support for them.

Thanks for sharing. As others have said, please consider getting help; the sooner, the better. Depression has a way of becoming more entrenched, stubborn and isolating over time.

It also changes your outlook on things, such that it becomes more challenging to remember which is you and which is the disease as it continues to merge itself into your being (so to speak).

Good luck.

Don't take it as a given that revealing your own depression to your mother will make her life harder. She may welcome the chance to help you and she may help herself in the process.

I'm not saying it is a sure thing - just don't rule it out

Don't be sorry, talking about it is exactly what you should be doing. If you're not comfortable venting to someone in person, make more use of online forums or try a journal. I also suggest meditation and books about mindfulness.

I use talkspace and it's really good, highly recommend it. Feel free to email if you ever feel that you need someone to talk to.

Is this only text or do they also offer audio/video? Text to me just seems like it would take a very long time to accomplish something, at least at the start.

You can send whatever you want, my therapist and I do little video snips often. I like txt too though, sometimes I'm just doing nothing thinking and I write my thoughts down and send them to him, it's good.

In your profile, it says that you're a student. You could check whether your school has a student-assistance program.

There are professionals who see this stuff every day who can help you.

There's no shame in this. There could be any number of causes, and some of them are actually easy to fix. That said, many are not but it's good that you're talking to people.

If you have health insurance, definitely try to get some treatment. Pills and therapists aren't perfect, and they aren't for everyone, but they can work. And they can be kept secret. Beyond that, look at acquiring skills and habits to be able to manage your depression, drugs will only give you the opportunity to build those skills easier, they won't make everything magically better forever. I'd highly suggest looking at cognitive behavioral therapy (basically developing habits and patterns that are healthier) and meditation/mindfulness, they are amazingly effective in a lot of cases.

I went through the same. I didn't look for help initially because I thought everything was under control and I didn't see what was going on the same way you see now. It didn't take long until I started having panick attacks and my only choice was to look for help. Therapy helps tremendously, so please give it a try as soon as you can.

Shrinks work for some people. I can't really take them seriously as it always figures to me they're just as much a wreck as I am.

Anyway, if I were you, I'd cut & run.

Like the fellow below said, you're young, don't waste your youth. Send them some money when you can but don't go down with the ship trying.

You're 22 man, please don't waste your youth.

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