The Phoenix Is Not Burnt Out, It Is Just Rebooting | Hacker News Reader

The Phoenix Is Not Burnt Out, It Is Just Rebooting

michaeldehaan.net

77 pointskragniz27 comments

I feel a lot of this as well. It's deeply troubling, when you attach so much of your self worth to work, and the work erodes you so strongly. What's left?

I wish it were more accepted so that we could sort it out without having to be so drastic. I don't know how to tell my boss "I can't really do this right now. I need at least 2 months. Maybe 10. Dunno." I'm just going to leave, and....

and then what? who knows.

When you stop working yourself to the bone you get to... not have health insurance? Wonder how long you can coast before going under? San Francisco, and I imagine most of America, is a tough place to just be.

It sucks.

At the risk of self-promotion: http://mikekchar.github.io/portfolio/UsefulAndBeneficial/

It may or may not help you. I've shown it to a lot of people and I have to admit that most people don't really connect with it. However, for me it was a pivotal realization that got me out of the grind and I hope it will help you too.

At that time I quit my job and spent 8 months writing free software. I didn't know what to do and thought seriously about quitting being a programmer altogether. During those 8 months, I wrote code almost every waking moment and discovered that I loved writing code. What I hated was fighting with people over all the broken stuff at work.

And that's when it hit me. My colleagues hated fighting with me over all the broken stuff at work too. That's why I was burning myself out and getting no recognition. They didn't realize that everything was broken and I spent all of my energy trying to convince them.

I realized that if I simply did what I enjoyed, writing code, the other people would be happy with me too -- even if the company came crashing down around my ears. So I decided to try it in my next job. Not only were people delighted with me, but they increasingly invited me to fix their other problems (as they realized them). I stopped fighting and started just fixing stuff. I was happy.

I've since realized that many people and organizations need help. But if you dive in too much, you get caught up in their craziness. Their life and death struggles become yours -- and you can't do anything about it because it depends on them changing. If you step back and simply lend your strength where it is desired -- allowing them to fail if they are intent in doing so -- you can live a peaceful life.

Hope that helps.

Thank you for posting!

I am about to quit my startup and plan on writing free software and trying to find myself a bit again (and what to do next). I am not sure if I will come to the same conclusions (and I think thats something I would have to experience first hand), but it sounds very encouraging.

Thanks for this bit. It was helpful to me. I was coming to a similar realization as well with my current company and team.

That is a great insight. And the parable is perfect. Thanks.

I'm not saying I'm any good at this, but I think there is definitely a line to toe between rabid night-and-day commitment to a cause and clock-punching apathy. It is possible work really hard and even care deeply, but still keep it detached from your worth as a human being. I know this advice may seem trite, but as far as I can see the alternatives are either a futile struggle to change the world, or self-sabotage. Strategies for this might be work-life balance, meditation/exercise, or even just a psychological disposition might be sufficient for the right person; I'm not sure what works for others, but this is definitely an important framework for my own sanity.

Well, yeah. Given that you consume resources, there's really no way to just be. You need to be productive. That doesn't mean that you have to write code, just do things that have value for other people.

What about writing code in an environment that doesn't want to consume you body and soul?

Contemporary corporate culture wants just that: the maximum value, as quickly as possible, for the lowest cost. These are the right goals for a corporation, but the implementation often ignores the basic humanity and inherent weakness of the people they depend on.

People need R&R, they need to work at a reasonable pace, in many cases they need a reason to care. Unfortunately, corporations have no incentive to invest in their employees, because they are supposed to be replaceable cogs.

I think workers cooperatives are a good solution, but they are far from common. Personally, I'm very happy at the coop[0] I am a member of. I hope they become more common moving forward.

[0]: https://www.heropun.ch/

I'm trying to be helpful here, not an arsehole, and I'm not sure whether its even your website, but some feedback for whoever's website it is:

Your website doesn't work for me. I've tried it on firefox and chrome. I'm still not entirely sure who or what you are.

I click on home and its just a big black screen: "Work made simple: Learn more". Ok...issues aside with a front page that tells me nothing, i click on learn more...

I get a black screen with a grey bar across the top with three motherhood statements in it...none of those link anywhere. Ok...um...end of the line I guess.

All right, I'll click on the products tab in the top right:

Big black screen which just says: "We're just getting started, but here's what we're doing so far: " And there's nothing there...its just a big black screen.

I click finally on contacts (because its literally the last link on the website), and that takes me to...well ok...now I see what looks like two projects in a grey bar at the top you say you're working on, but no links or information available on either...and I'm still not sure who or what you are...

There's a second grey bar which has a paragraph of wishy-washy text, with an email address hyperlinked, and I'm still not sure who you are or what you actually do or why I would be contacting you...

Aaaand, as far as i can tell, i've just been through the entire website...

Its my coop's website. I'm not offended, I want feedback! I think we have some interesting long-term goals, but we are still trying to figure out who we have to be to get there.

What entails finding/exploring/joining such a co-op? It sounds like a much better concept than a traditional 9-5.

Related to the parent: I've mentioned that I want a strict work/life balance, and a more aggressive work/break balance and the retort I've heard sometimes is "accountability". I don't mind working to fix a broken thing during my down time, I just don't want to be actively contributing for greater periods of time.

We're incredibly lucky to work in an industry in the us where 3 week vacations are the norm, but I'd vastly prefer 2 weeks paid, 3 months unpaid as the norm (if that makes sense)

I know you stated you don't like editing in your post, but I'd highly recommend passing your posts on to a friend who _is_ willing to edit them, before they're public. I appreciate the sentiment and resonated with many of the remarks. I could have gotten the same message in about 30% of the words.

Too long? Don't read it.

This is emotionally charged territory for the author. Respect it, and respect him. It takes courage to write like this in public.

No need for the abrasive tone, the GP was simply offering constructive criticism. Does that not have a place in your idea of respect? If not, why not?

I found the criticism both non-constructive and selfish. The commenter is welcome to their opinion, but in _this context_ does it need to be said? Has the commenter added value or further reinforced what the author says in the first paragraph: that people are afraid to write about sensitive, personal, private topics in the public eye?

Context matters.

If this was an article about the relative merits of monads in Haskell vs OCaml I would have taken no issue - criticize away. It wasn't; it was another human being pouring their feelings out in long form. "I could have gotten the same message in about 30% of the words" is selfish. Who cares what the commenter wanted, again, in _this context_. The commenter feels better, the author and others who might be in the same shoes feel worse, and on the cycle goes. This still raises my hackles 10 hours later.

Just for the record, I didn't consider the parent's tone to be abrasive at all.

There is a clear problem with this post: it is rambling and unfocused. The parent comment engineered a solution to this problem: edit the post. Where's the disrespect? A major theme of the blog post itself is that how the author sees problems everywhere and wants to make things better.

The problem is I could not finish this rambling stream of consciousness. I bailed and went to the comments so I could have some idea of what it was about and whether it would be worth slogging through.

>I’m not a jerk, I just care too much and want other people to care the same amount.

I don't know the real situation, but based on this rationale it sounds like you were being a jerk. You're not even really denying it, just trying to excuse your behavior because it was in service of some higher goal.

That said, acting like a jerk is a behavior, not a permanent attribute. The feedback from your boss should have been about the behaviors you engaged in that negatively impacted the team.

What led you to choose the label "jerk"?

Perhaps because the author wrote "jerk"?

This is not satisfactory response. Put another way, what I'm wondering is what it is that seems unpleasant or morally objectionable about the OP's behaviour.

That was long and rambling but I think the summary is that when you try to make the world a better place it does not yield all to easily. And sometimes you are ok with that but sometimes your stamina is running low. Managing stamina is important and just as important is managing hubris - I am reminded of the anecdote about Plato told by NN Taleb. Plato was offended by the fact that most humans are naturally right-handed and not ambidextrous because that is woefully asymmetric. I guess even the most able people are often offended by the wrong things.

Michael has made the world (well at least a small part of it) a genuinely better place. I think he deserves to chill out a bit before returning to his attitude of caring too much.

Beautifully written. This is sleepy stream of consciousness, but I'll add that the conscientious developer internalizes their discipline and then sees new problem spaces everywhere, some realm of actual or potential responsibility. Most otherwise good folks in the world don't - can't really - easily reciprocate. I turned 50 today, and it's in the last year that I learned so many otherwise qualified professionals all around me just don't ever really study the manuals. Creative systematic development must cease being needlessly sacrificial. There's some emerging awareness of its occupational hazards that needs to be addressed if we want to transfer wisdom successfully over generations to better thrive. A few chapters of Shrage's "No More Teams" refer to software languages as a legitimate standard for what collaborative innovating literacy might someday mean.

I can't understand a word of this. I could be mistaken, but it smells like like a gem or two of insight, too greatly attenuated via the sleep waves.

I'd very much like to read the well-rested organized retransmission.

Get a dog. You have to walk it and it treasures your time. It forces time to relax outside of computers. You get fresh air. It loves you for just being there...

Either that or children.

Narcissist

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