Working from Home and Phatic Communication
s12k.com
s12k.com
> Remote workers have to get our phatic conversations on purpose – we have to reach out to one another, to grab a virtual coffee or a video-conferenced lunch.
Honestly I substitute commenting on sites like Hacker News in place of some phatic communication. It feels more stimulating, and gives the "same tribe" feeling, but it's also more resource intensive: I have to read an article or comments and think of an interesting response. It's not as carefree.
I'm also reminded of two essays Jason Fried wrote in REMOTE:
"The virtual water cooler" - we need mindless breaks; try talking off topic in a non-work room in Campfire/Slack/etc.
"Cabin fever" - spend time with the people that are close to you geographically; try a coworking space; do more local activities
I spend a good portion of my time in coffee shops, but interestingly enough, coffee shops are mostly comprised of people focused on their work or studies or books or friends, and not conducive to friendly conversation. I find the same to be true in shared work spaces.
The tradeoff is that I spend a lot less time commuting and in meetings, and I feel far more relaxed in the mornings. My breaks during the day are real breaks, not just a few minutes away from my cubicle. I can easily read, clean the house, or watch something without worrying about how my break is being perceived.
I believe remote working has allowed me to be a better me and focus more on myself at the cost of feeling a lot more isolated and alone. I eat better, workout more consistently, and have more flexibility to support my wife and her career. But I rarely engage in random conversation -- I can go for hours, sometimes a whole day without talking to anyone -- and it's really easy to get stuck in my routine. Being in an office forces you into situations you wouldn't choose to be in, and I believe there can be value in that.
All that said, I'm not sure I'd go back to an office. I had some bad experiences with folks I really didn't want to be around, and being pulled into daily meetings that had no value, and it really feels great to have more control over my day. There's probably a healthy balance somewhere and I'd certainly consider a change if I found it.
coffee shops are mostly [...]
not conducive to friendly conversation.
The only reason we coffee-workers tend to be anti-social "monads" are social mores: we don't want to disturb others and we take other's lack of social activity as an indication that they don't want to be disturbed. That's why we don't make the first move and start a friendly conversation.
This assumption is wrong.
I conducted an extensive social experiment. After working in cafes, libraries and shared workspaces for years, and not talking to anyone, I decided to overcome my social shyness and violate the unspoken rule not to initiate conversations. I went extreme and set myself a target to initiate at least 5 conversations with strangers per day. I did this successfully over years. I pretty much never got a negative response. The worst thing that happened was that the conversation fizzled out after a the initial exchange of mandatory pleasantries. Clearly most other coffee-shop workers are in the same situation and are quite happy to have somebody to chat to. Communicating successfully with strangers requires a bit of social savvy and the ability to read body language, so you can avoid boring or bothering them, and ensure to make a conversation of interest to them.
Once you get into this habit you can reflect on things like: what features of a location are furthering communication between strangers, and what don't.
I recommend to give it a try.
It requires a bit of social acuity to understand who's really focussed and doesn't want to be disturbed, and who'd be quite happy for a pleasant chat.
An easy trick to gather intelligence on what they are doing before initiating a conversation, is to walk past them, maybe to get a drink or on the way to the bathroom, and glance at their screen. If you see the familiar colours of Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, YouTube or other time-sinks -- and they are on display surprisingly often -- you can be reasonably sure that your approach will be well received.
Body language gives clues too ... bobbing along to a rhythm? ... no, they are not working on P vs NP or the latestst deep neural net convolutional reinforcement learning ... And if you can hear the music emanating from their headphones they aren't highly alert to a job requiring deep thinking either.
The other day I went to my neighborhood coffee shop an hour before work to just have a coffee, sit, and reflect. No computer, just me and a pour over.
I jumped into conversation with a few others at the bar. Sometimes I forget one can be in a coffee shop without a screen. It was much easier to focus on conversation and sensual things like the tasting notes of my coffee, instead of the nagging fomo of email and social notifications.