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Comment by LordKano | Hacker News Reader

So...

Why didn't she just give him a firm, but polite "I'm not interested"?

I'm not saying that stalking and/or harassment are acceptable. I'm just saying that she probably could have avoided 14 years of misery if she had just politely told the guy that there was no potential for anything more.

Women need to learn to reject people in whom they're not interested. They think they're being "nice" or at the very least, being "not mean" but they are being incredibly cruel by letting the other person think there's hope when there isn't.

Don't expect him to take the hint. Tell him directly.

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You're blaming the victim. Do you really believe she didn't tell him no clearly?

> Women need to learn to reject people in whom they're not interested

No, that's not the problem, women get plenty of experience with that. People should not stalk or harass, period.

People should not stalk or harass. Authorities and all other members of society should take stalking and harassing seriously. BUT potential victims should take reasonable measures to protect themselves too(not saying that a "firm rejection" is enough or even safe though). I hope Internet safety instruction becomes more of a thing in our education system.

I know and the post did mention such a firm rejection. I'm just stating that the problem is rather that there are people who don't take no for an answer.

Exactly.

What she did would be interpreted by someone with limited social skills as sending mixed signals. She went out for a meal with him when he showed up unannounced and gave her a gift.

She'd block or ignore him sometimes and engage him other times.

No, he shouldn't have harassed her but she should have been clear from the beginning that the attention was unwanted.

>People should not stalk or harass, period.

And if they are, you're saying that women are completely incapable of handling the situation themselves and need to run to the police?

Suggesting that a woman solves her own problems is not the same as victim blaming.

She did. He escalated.

Seriously, you have never dealt with this before. Do not pretend that you know what to do.

And quite frankly, even if she didn't, that does NOT excuse this asshole for ruining her life.

According to her version of the events, she didn't do anything close to that for 11 years. By her own account, she ghosted, blocked and ignored in the hopes that he would "take the hint" except for when she was bored or lonely. Don't hint. Don't play games. Tell him directly that you're not interested.

You don't know what I have dealt with in my life.

Don't be melodramatic, he didn't ruin her life. He has harassed and stalked her, both of which are completely inexcusable but it's not like he's killing her pets, threatening her physical safety or sending boxes of excrement to her workplace.

Again, by her own account he didn't escalate to harassment or stalking until 11 years after they met. Perhaps she shouldn't have had to but she could have ended this before it began with a firm but polite "No thank you".

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