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My family adopted the "no gifts" Christmas rule several years ago. Apparently, my siblings were stressing out financially each year buying gifts, but I found it did wonders for reducing my own holiday stress. Now we just get together, eat, talk, play games, and play with the kids. It's amazing in retrospect to see how small a part of the family get-together was gift-giving. We would exchange gifts, stack our new toys into piles, and forget about them until it was time to load up the cars to go home.

Gift-giving can become such a social minefield too. We had a birthday party for my oldest son and specifically requested no gifts (he has enough toys). One attendant missed it or ignored it and brought one anyway. We politely thanked them for the gift, and were immediately confronted by several other parents who became quite defensive and a little angry with us (seemingly embarrassed that they had not brought gifts). Some of them even came back after the party with gifts to somehow make amends in their minds. There's a lot of social stuff I don't understand surrounding gift-giving.

I don't know if this is popular in the USA. We also have a "no gifts" rule. Instead we do a secret santa. We do a real gift and an optional gag gift. It works wonderfully.

Except this year somebody sent lots of gifts for two of my nephews. It was ridiculous and very uncomfortable for the rest of the family to watch.

Between my wife and I, the policy has been to go out and spend time together instead of buying gifts. I don't try to push this onto others but it does work with most of my close friends as well.

It works inside family or with girlfriends, but only as long as everybody agrees to go somewhere. As with normal gifts, presenting tickets as a surprise is not a good idea.

By "go out" I didn't mean something that requires tickets. It could be dinner, or a short getaway. In very few cases I've given gift cards to amazon or a local mall. It's a little more personal than cash but I still get to leave things open-ended.

Unless they're fly anytime tickets, that is.

It also works great with kids once they reach a certain age. Two years ago we asked the grandparents to give experiences instead of toys. Archery lessons, horse camp and climbing lessons have been the biggest hits so far.

The other thing to remember is that it's about the feeling of giving as well as the person receiving, and the grandparents have said they feel like what they're doing is being appreciated more than just another toy or gadget.

"my wife and me"

You haven't read enough Shakespeare, I see. Merchant of Venice, Act III, Scene 2: "all debts are cleared between you and I".

> If I want some object, I will buy that object myself.

I can so relate. "What can I get you for birthday?" - "Nothing, mum. I got all I need." - "How about we go buy some new shoes for you?" - "sigh I already have a pair of shoes." :)

Sounds like you need new shoes ;)

For the past three or so years, my mom's Christmas gift to me has been shoes, which I've enjoyed and appreciate every day.

Yep, kindred spirits.

About twenty years ago I had to move, and not many friends showed up to help. It was an incredible burden, and that day I said "enough" with the material possessions. Went to the dump, and now its just me, a backpack, and a small storage closet.

I own very few things and live with a roommate in a furnished apartment. I am minimal to a fault EXCEPT when it comes to books. I have dozens and dozens of them. I can't seem to be able to let them go.

Another option is to tell people specifically what you want ahead of time, or buy your own gifts in advance and give them to family members for them to give you during holidays

I like getting birthday presents that are doing something. Usually my wife takes me on a vacation, or to see a show I really like, etc. It's much better than some object IMO.

This is what we do too, but to be fair its only because at our wealth level we can pretty much buy everything we want, within reason. Its different for poorer people. Getting a 42" TV when you can't afford one yourself is a wonderful feeling. I hate this idea that now that everything is mass produced and relatively "cheap" we suddenly see ourselves as above it all because we make decent money. Err, not really.

The only real reason I decry gift giving on my birthday is because I have so much shit I'm temporarily satisfied, not because I'm above having shit. If I couldn't afford some of those things and someone got one of them for me I'd be overjoyed.

Its also weird to hear that people think its minimalist to own a smartphone and laptop. Those devices do so many things, they're the equivalent of hundreds of gadgets. Or how "I don't own a TV" is the clarion call of the intellectual hipster but he spends his days shitposting on the internet, binging netflix, subscribing to hundreds of youtube channels, etc.

When I was poor the best birthday presents were money.

I find it bizarre that quite a few people seem to think that gifts must be things. What's wrong with buying someone an experience for their birthday? A dinner out, a massage voucher, a skydiving session... my friend has given me an Escape Room challenge for my just-passed birthday.

A wonderful quip I picked up from a teacher couple might help on invites: "Presence Not Presents". The absence of "no" makes it easier to accept socially, I suspect.

Getting annoyed at people for choosing to give you gifts has to be the very definition of 'first world problems'.

Well, I would prefer that they use that money to help address third world problems. In lieu of gifts on Valentine's day, my girlfriend and I each donated money to Watsi.