Ok. How?
Alton Brown's recipes aren't always my preferred method, but he's an excellent teacher, and great at explaining the science and the "why" behind how cooking works instead of relying on pure folk wisdom like most cooking teaching.
Honestly, if you watch all 10 seasons of Good Eats you'll probably get more out of it than you would a culinary degree from all but a handful of schools.
But there were 14 seasons...
Watch all 14 then.
You don't have to read the heartfelt blog posts if you don't want to, just scroll until you see a recipe.
Note that they all have five ingredients or less (excluding salt & pepper).
They're also all really nice and tasty, as far as I've tried them.
I like this because it sees food as just simple combinations of cooked edible things. You don't have to combine dozens of spices or do anything super fancy.
Just get a chef's knife that doesn't suck. If you want to, look at some videos of chopping techniques, especially for specific tricky things like onions—you can do it so much faster and better with a simple technique, astound your friends!
And do some basic "mise en place," which is just the French word for "preparing your stuff ahead of time even maybe using a few different bowls." If any moment of cooking a meal stresses you out, notice that and think about if you can do it in a way that isn't stressful. Like, if you're suddenly chopping an onion while you're watching garlic in a skillet, you should have prepared all that stuff beforehand.
Be fundamentally nonchalant about measures and times, for almost everything, except in baking. (Rice/water ratios etc are good to follow if you don't want soggy/hard rice.) Recipes say "2 tablespoons" because they need to give some indication, but it will probably be fine if you put in more or less. It's nice if you can look at a recipe, get the gist of it, and then just go with your intuition—if you're wrong, you learn something.
If you really do not know how to start there are always cooking classes. They can be fun, but they are not strictly necessary.
Once a few dishes have been prepared it sheds a lot of light on how easy it actually is. Obviously there are more complicated recipes out there, but its pretty simple to impress people with the right recipes.
Hilarious how this whole comment section has turned into advice on how to cook.
With a little bit of practice you'll realize that you just need to have a few stock ingredients on hand to be able to take care of yourself every day and cook for friends and family.
The feeling you get the first time you cook a meal for someone else is a great one. :)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Madhur-Jaffreys-Indian-Cookery-Jaffr...
This book, or at least the original, is at least partly responsible for the overwhelming popularity of Indian food in the UK and the ability to find any Indian ingredient you care to mention in any supermarket. It's well written, easy to follow, and her recipes all work.
She was one of the first TV chefs in the UK, and has written a million other books on Asian cooking of all kinds, all of which are just as good, and go into a lot of fascinating historical and cultural background as to just why you're making just what you're making.
A lot of the episodes of her TV series (from 1978!) are on Youtube.
Apart from cooking - which as a few people mention is pretty easy once you realize it's more about common sense and taste than chemistry - the fact the most people think that fat will actually just turn into fat on your body, and that dieting is the way to go, is something I imagine is misrepresenting the importance of being able to put together a healthy and nutricious meal.
Unfortunately, I don't know any good english books on the subject, but I imagine there are plenty of shorter books that will explain how fat, carbs, protein and vitamins play a part in respect to your wellbeing. I would start here.
Next, I would take a look at my wallet and my daily schedule, and figure out when buying take-away is going to be the most realistic option (both in regards to price and context), and when I have the ability to prepare lunch or dinner from home. If you have access to a fridge, a simple lunchbox with carrots and chicken provides a sturdy and surprisingly satisfying meal. Both carrots and chicken can be prepared in large batches, and both holds up for 4-5 days which is a typical workweek. In the morning, you simply fill a box with ingredients, and you have one cheap, nutritious meal down. I usually spice something like this up with a handful of almonds or nuts, and perhaps purchase some milk or juice to go with it.
I don't even know if this makes any sense, but I have this stereotyped view on americans as people who rarely cook their own meals, partly due to the fact that it's cheaper to buy take-away due to lower salaries effect on the price-levels (I can see that being a factor in Europe).
If you've never been comfortable cooking yourself, I can see that this might be a daunting task. I know people who are afraid to cook without a recipe, which is something that I hardly ever bother to spend time finding anyway.
Absent a better recommendation from someone else, I'll suggest "Let's Eat Right to Keep Fit" by Adelle Davis. I regard it as a databook on the components in your body.
I grew up in a household where everyone cooked, it was (and still is) a massive part of our family. This book was the cornerstone of my 'education' even before I was a teenager. My Mum always had her nose in it. I cannot recommend it enough. It's also worth seeking out some of Delia's cooking shows, there are probably a ton of them on YouTube.
Follow her instruction and you will not go wrong. I guarantee it.