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Comment by joesmo | Hacker News Reader

"You spend a few weeks sending lines of text to each other, and you eventually arrange to meet"

A bit off topic, but is this common place? You spend a few weeks? Why not just meet in person and not waste everyone's time?

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Because everyone is different. Some people prefer to meet right away. They're usually upfront about that. Some people are more hesitant (or even afraid!), and need time to make sure the other person isn't "crazy." I've experienced both, and both are generally normal people that approach things differently. But this is also contingent on the people being honest. There are many people that are simply looking for the gratification of interest. Unfortunately those people are very common. But you can weed through them pretty quickly. It all comes down to a somewhat delicate balance of social give-and-take. If that isn't there, then you know to move on. But if you're looking for instant gratification with people, you'll certainly find that with some. But you'll also certainly be missing out on others.

> Some people are more hesitant (or even afraid!), and need time to make sure the other person isn't "crazy."

Exactly this, especially for women, and people looking for a long term relationship. A week or three of conversation weeds out people who are just looking to hook up and impulsive people whose interest isn't that deep.

In my experience, the interest of one or both of the parties in meeting drops quickly to ~0 if you wait any longer than 1- 2 weeks after starting messaging to arrange to meet.

I agree. The initial messaging is to spark some sense of play and to screen for robots/crazy people. After that's established there's really not much to be gained by further messaging.

It's niche marketing. If they are still interested after a few weeks of messaging they are more likely to settle and less likely to bounce after the next shiny.

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