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Comment by ceocoder | Hacker News Reader

man this is scary for me, I'm about to have a baby girl (she already has a Gmail account), I know I'm far from the "dad doesn't get 'it'" phase, but it is still scary.

Do you have any tips to make this transition easy?

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I have four kids...two in college now...the other two are on track to be in a few years...I get compliments on them all the time...

The number one piece of advice I can give you is to suspend any preconceptions you have, consciously or unconsciously, about the kind of person they will be...don't force them into some mold you have in mind for them...they will be separate and distinct beings from birth...treat them as such with as much love and guidance as you can muster...let them breathe...

Also: Expose them to as many things as possible, and let them choose the things that they want to follow up on...

Model good behavior, so they will see what good behavior looks like...point out good behavior to them as opportunities arise...

And hope luck is with you...

This is very nice advice. Thank you!

Thank you very much, and congratulations on raising great kids. I'm really looking forward to the time ahead, the first few years are really fun - this is the time when you as a parent (or uncle/aunt) are a superhero to the child, you can do no wrong.

Congratulations!! I'm about to have a baby girl too (she is due on March 6).

I've been really stressed out about this, so I set out to have as many conversations with other dads as I could. The best thing that I heard was that you just need to accept it as part of their maturing process. You won't get it because you aren't meant to get it.

Then, I remind myself that when I was into AD&D, my Mom thought that I was worshipping Satan...:)

I would suggest you talk to mothers too, not just fathers. They might have insights that are important for you too :-)

Great advice. Also add your own parents to the list.

Great advice

Man, the age difference is what, 30-ish years? Of course you won't get it, and they won't 'get' your world. If you can comfortably relate to someone 30 years younger or older than you, something has gone wrong in your development.

Don't worry about it. You don't need to get it. You will hate her music, you will find her friends stupid children, she will think you're boring and no longer with it, and when she's grown up, you will annoy her with unwanted advice on how best to get around in the world of 20 years ago. It's an inevitable, normal part of life, not a problem.

Even if they get to that phase it's often temporary. I've got a young daughter and in retrospect my dad seems a lot smarter than he did when I was a teenager.

But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/10/10/twain-father/

I have a daughter who is always trying to compete with her older sister. One time she was chatting online with some creepy dudes in private. She saw her older sister chatting with teen friends and thought it was the same thing. I would try to lay some ground rules and keep at it. Being a dad ain't easy on the nerves with girls. Rules get broken, but just make sure your relationship with her isn't. Daddy time is important at any age.

Every kid is different. You'll know what to do.

The great thing starting with a baby is you get to grow with them -- you don't have to be an expert right off the bat.

Gloria Wall (mother of four, spouse of Larry Wall) also has great advice that is worth repeating: You don't have to be an expert in children to be a parent -- you only have to be an expert in _your_ children.

Just after our son was born this was wonderfully summed up by a friend of mine as being like levelling up in a game. You start off with the absolute basics of keeping them fed and clean, and then just as you've got the hang of that something new is introduce. Before you know it you're at month 24, and seemingly without effort juggling food, drink, changes, entertainment, nap times, and telling them what they just said is probably not appropriate in front of granny.

That's exactly right. If you don't right away, it won't take long to find it.

Never forget to tell them "you are my vengeance on this world."

Accept you "won't get it" early on.

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