'The fact is that many of our internal processes, controls, and actions around compliance have been inadequate, and some decisions have just been plain wrong. As a result, Parker has resigned.'
Not much subtlety there. Presumably as COO he had nothing to do with 'internal processes, controls, and actions around compliance' which seems a little odd to me. So what was he doing all day then?
I also like how the company values are instantly changed...
'Effective immediately, this company’s values are: ...'
Which is interesting because most companies spend ages coming up with the correct values for the company and it usually involves feedback from employees.