I can remember staying the night at my girlfriend's apartment (she's now my wife). We enjoyed each others company. But when she would fall asleep, I would hop on to her computer and begin working on my own projects.
And she use to complain, in fact, get extremely angry that I was up "typing away" and that I needed to come to bed. My contention is that she's asleep so why should she care? I finally said, "Get over yourself. I have enjoyed working on late projects before I met you and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. Programming is my life. Deal with it."
And after a few fights and with me not backing down, it was no longer an issue.
The point of the story; if something is important to you, grow some balls and stand up for it.
To make a broad generalization, women have a tendency to put the relationship before anything else. But if in your world coding is just as important as cuddling, speak up and stand your ground.
Relationships and intellectual development do not have to be mutually exclusive.