Ask HN: I think I need serious help for self development. Any advice? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: I think I need serious help for self development. Any advice?

4 pointscheckmt6 comments

I work for a company in bay area who has pretty good tech stack. Company is around for 10+ years now and job is okay. However, lately I have got into bad habit of working 12+ hours. Unfortunately I am not making any progress as well. It is just same issue and same task going over and over again.

I just keep planning without any action. This year I decided that I will work on a side project. So far I have only purchased domain and made zero progress beyond it.

I also want to learn machine learning, scala and bunch of other stuff. How do I do that? Travel in bay area takes daily 2 hrs out of my life. I am also looking to date a girl but I can't find time and motivation to log in to online account and send cheesy messages.

I feel bad because I am not making any progress and because I feel bad I don't make any progress.

I go to gym at least 3 times a week and do some light exercise. I am not obese.

Did anyone suffer from such dilemma ? How do you become go getter and someone who is just outstanding or above average ?

Your goals sound too large. Start small. Reminds me of a saying my grandmother used to say, when we took walks. "One step in front of the other, over leaves, past trees, and over bridges"

The method I use to get stuff done:

1. Keep in mind an overarching goal; usually something simple and easy to do, but big enough to be a goal. For example, make a humidifier sensor that reports room humidity to a server. 2. Write down small tasks on sticky notes. Very very small. So small, they are easily achievable. 3. Place these sticky notes where you will notice. i.e partly over your monitor. 4. When you've finished a task, throw the stupid sticky in the garbage. 5. Rinse and repeat.

Becomes kinda fun.

See a therapist. They're trained for this, and you develop a weekly relationship with them where they can help you enact long-term change. Most normal employer-provided health insurance will cover (although with everyone seemingly moving to high-deductible plans, some are starting to drop coverage).

You could get into all sorts of complex psychological reasons, but basically you need to learn how to set boundaries so your employer doesn't bleed you dry, and then decide what you want out of your life and break it down into manageable goals that you can fit into your life.

Think about leaving the bay area, work for some BigCo or MediumCo that you don't care about, do an excellent job from 8 to 4, then go home and think about nothing but what you want to learn and do.

Do that for a year or two, then go wherever you can amplify what you've discovered about yourself.

I've been in this situation. I remember i had switched jobs and that really helped me. My current job doesn't have much pressure but we are working on building so many awesome things.

With that said, you should Work From Home more. One room at home should specifically be for Work. That would definitely help.

At this point in time, i'm really excited and full of energy and one of the reasons being i want to push myself to create something awesome because so many awesome people around me are.

I moved in with my girlfriend a few months and she is very understanding of how work takes over me once in a while, not everyday.

I don't see a therapist. I start exercising more often. Pick a sport. Have a strict to-do for myself. Watch motivational movies. Go out more often.

Learning machine learning, scala and other stuff is just learning those things. It may be progress, it may not be progress.

Progress depends entirely on what a person is progressing toward. Twelve hour days may be a better way to progress in a certain type of career than learning Haskell and yet learning-you-a-Haskell can still be a great good.

For me, there is an endless stream of programming stuff and computer science stuff that I might learn[including machine learning and Scala]. It's all interesting to some greater or lesser degree. There are also libraries and bookstores full of literature that is all interesting for some definition of "interesting"...I've recently been meaning to reread The Sound and the Fury maybe when I've got the time I will, but maybe not.

If I were to offer random advice from the internet, pick "side projects" [my resolution this year is to consider them hobbies] that are accessible. This means few dependencies. Part of what made Scala less accessible for me was it's dependencies on the JVM, an IDE, and SBT when I participated in Odersky's course on Coursera. Part of what made machine learning via Ng's Coursera course difficult was catching up on the maths and the many parts of my life that matter more than learning machine learning.

My solution to the problem of too many shiny things to distract me has been to look at what I actually do and use: Linux, Emacs, and writing...and maybe some photography to get me out of the house. They are all low friction to slide in and out of. They are all about as easy as getting up from this chair and reaching for the camera on the desk. They also boundless space for scratching my curiosity.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that helps and it's more than enough about me, but one last thing...I've known Greg since about 1979 and he was giving me Vi when I mentioned Emacs and one of his comments was "I know I'll never be a programmer." But he's playing his Strat on a stage in public more now than he did thirty years ago and happier doing so..and if that's not progress it will do until progress shows up.

Good luck.

You should try yoga. It will help you to lower your stress level and you will be able to think about what comes next. Sometimes the solution is to step back. It worked for me.

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