Research into ketamine as a treatment for severe depression
washingtonpost.com
washingtonpost.com
It then goes on to talk about possibly alleviating this with booster treatments.
For me, even the possibility of there being temporary relief makes it something I would seriously consider pursuing, for two reasons. First, when my depression gets really acute it basically means that I simply am unable to leave the house. If I were free of that chain I strongly suspect/hope it would be easier to seek out -- and be consistently dedicated to -- treatments that were more long term: meditation, therapy, etc.
Second, just the thought of being happy for a few moments. Well, the allure of that is likely obvious. Were the almost omnipresent internal dialog of "you suck, you stupid fuck, dumb faggot, stupid fucking nigger," etc. able to be minimized or eliminated, even if temporarily, it would make such a great difference in my life that I almost can't quite imagine it.
Right now I escape it by playing video games. This is not exactly the most positive way to live, however.
A big part of depression seems to be this incapacity to even imagine any kind of robust, non-fake happiness. In bad moments one can even get paranoid: like, why is everyone going around pretending like they're happy, when they obviously cannot be? I think it's like this with any persistent mood; your whole world view is altered.
So however you find it, just a couple of hours of, say, having a conversation where you don't feel like the worst loser in the universe and the nadir of civilization, that just shows you something about life.
"Oh... I... I am just a person like these other people... I don't have to radiate horror and disgust... I can just stretch my arms right now and feel my body as an animal with the right to live and enjoy... Huh... Hah! Hahaha!"
And then the next morning maybe you feel like crap again, sure. But the understanding that these are just different mind states is so valuable. Like, for someone who really doesn't believe in anything except depression anymore, I totally understand suicide. So giving people the chance to feel something else, even just for an hour—if psychiatry can start to really do that, that's so wonderful.
It really would have been nice for me while i was a child. yes. i should have been given ketamine as a child. my depression was so bad for most of my life that i could count the days where i didn't feel depressed, didn't feel like a leper or a zombie going through the motions of life, and it protected itself: at some point i just stopped acting out my terrible feelings because it seemed like it only caused trouble with the adults and alienated me from my peers. that became a feedback loop that prevented me from expressing depressive sentiments for over a decade. if i could have been functional enough even for one week to clearly explain what was wrong to someone, maybe the structural defects in my life that caused my depression could have been ameliorated.
but that's all hindsight. i want to live in a world where no child is left to wallow in their depression. i don't know what you've been through and (maybe still?) go through, but it sounds awfully similar to what i deal with. i wish you didn't have to.
getting into a romantic relationship was difficult for me. even after a year together, i found myself paranoid about my partner. did they actually like me? i felt like they were humoring me every time we did anything together, that it was a burden to be around me. finally trusting them, finally trusting that they liked me was a gradual process. first i had to understand the idea intellectually, and only then could i try to internalize it. i'm still working on it, but there are days where i feel very happy to be me, because someone out there loves to spend time with me. learning to trust my romantic relationship is a microcosm of learning to trust all of my social relationships and my place in the world.
my latest improvement to my mental hygiene is to keep a journal. i have a habit of letting my head crowd up with thoughts which leaves me anxious, confused, and agitated. writing things down helps me clear thoughts out. i've realized that suppressing thoughts does not work. inhibitory patterns like that are the root of my depression (i'm sure everyone has a different root. some might have a fundamentally unassailable root and need drug therapy). having a truly clear head once in a while is a wonderful, wonderful experience.
my favorite books to read to keep my mind healthy are the Dao De Jing and the Zhuangzi. I prefer Ursula K. Le Guin's rendition of the former and the translation of the latter by Burton Watson. there are passages in these beautiful works that can pull me right out of a depressive episode, or at least comfort me intellectually while i weather it. there's something deeply and mysteriously comforting in their lines. these books have a way of putting thoughts in my head that push out the invasive, repetitive, agitating, stressful thoughts and let me breathe.
i'm not depressed right now, but maybe tonight, or tomorrow. i don't mind. i like myself, even my depressed self who hates themself. they know they like themself; they used to feel guilty about hating themself and guilty about being depressed, but they don't feel guilty anymore. it makes it easier to cope. they and i know how to keep ourself healthy better than we did before. it's a lifetime endeavor, learning your own nature, loving your own nature, letting yourself be the way you are. i feel like this post is very disorganized, scatterbrained, incoherent. i cannot begin to touch upon all of my experiences that have improved me. even if i could, what good is it if i can't transfer that deeply personal wisdom to others? the words don't carry any of the power of the signified.
'mental hygiene'. i think this is the key concept to understand. it's different for everyone. keeping physically clean keeps away physical disease. keeping mentally clean keeps away mental disease. you can still get sick, but you'll get sick less, and you'll get better faster. you may even get better for the first time in your life.
P.S. i also did a lot of acid but that's reckless. it's a good way to scar yourself. it's also a good way to shove your brain outside of its normal operational range. both have happened to me. i believe that one day there will be a drug gentler than lsd or psilocybin that will be used in controlled therapeutic settings. if you need to escape the inescapable, these drugs will do it.
I know some people will naturally object to this, but to be honest - assuming people don't build up a tolerance to the effects[0], what's wrong with that?
People are accustomed to taking all sorts of drugs on a daily basis, from antidepressants to sleeping aids to coffee (caffeine!). If someone invented from scratch an antidepressant that could only be taken once a week, we'd be heralding it as a miracle drug.
The main opposition to Ketamine is likely to be its history of recreational use ("Special K"). But that narrative - opposing medicine because of its potential psychoactive effects - is nothing new.
[0] I don't mean a tolerance to Ketamine in general, but a tolerance to this anti-depressive effect
Since they don't give out pills (not sure if war-on-drugs bullshit or actually dangerous), it's pointless. You're monitored for half an hour by a physician, and the drip gets done by an anesthetist, and if I remember correctly they insisted I be carted back to my room instead of walking. It's also only done on in-patients. So it was completely impractical as a treatment and had no long-lasting effect at all.
But if you read till the end, they say that Hartman has to get booster shots every 6 months or so:
> These days, he says that his periods of remission between infusions often stretch to six months.
I didn't try therapy or any medication.
You also would not really want to leave the house on Ketamine.
Lookup "microdosing" if you're interested, a lot of people do it with dissociatives or psychedelics and the point of it is to a below threshold dosage and avoid the typical drug high.
The list of Ketamine related publications at https://www.erowid.org/references/refs.php?S=ketamine lists the first study on effects on depression as from 2000 (just a quick Ctrl-F search, their might be earlier studies).
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16542786
In this study, N=small, but nevertheless, I think it is a very interesting article. Because the effects are so rapid, and magnesium supplementation is in general harmless, it is imho definitely a good idea to see if a magnesium deficiency is the cause of the disorder. Please take note that not all magnesium supplements are equal.
That being said, it would be pretty easy to investigate.
Sigh.... why? Why must we turn any opportunity into a money grab?
If a patient comes in and gets an infusion of ketamine, even if the procedure only takes 1 hr (infuse and observe), you need to pay for the building, the nurse, the physician, all the backroom staff, etc.
Hell, I go into my primary care doctor for an annual physician and it costs ~$200. I see the doctor for maybe 5 minutes and a nurse for maybe another 5 min.
It's like saying "the cost of a bottle of coke is only $0.20, and it's such a shame that it costs me $1.50 at a gas station".
This increases the chances of abuse, but ensuring a prescription only lasts 6 doses or whatever would reduce that.
Hopefully once drug laws become a bit more relaxed, this will be seen as acceptable.
It'd be cool if the bill explicitly listed the actual costs separately from the implicit taxes (hospitals must provide stabilizing treatment, they don't get direct reimbursements for it, this is effectively a tax).
"Consistent with all of the published randomized, placebo-controlled studies with ketamine, we also found short-lived perceptual disturbances26,49,50; such symptoms could have affected study blind. Hence, limitations in preserving study blind may have biased patient reporting by diminishing placebo effects, thereby potentially confounding results. One potential study design in future studies with ketamine might be to include an active comparator such as intravenous amphetamine (a dopamine agonist), which also produces psychotogenic effects."
http://archpsyc.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=66819...
An interesting study would posit that ketamine could potentially be used as a nootropic. If the synaptogenic effect is strong enough, could it not be used to restore brain function after head trauma, stroke, to treat cognitive decline with age, ect?
If I was using opiates for a medical purpose, I would want to be precise - heroin vs making poppy tea.