How to Ensure You Don’t Hire Anyone

I am in what I consider the 'top of my game' in user acquisition and digital marketing - My last company was acquired after two years thanks to a very quick quick growth. I have a decent resume with the big names and startups too. Have 10 years of exp + US and emerging markets. Been looking in SV since September (the acquirer was foreign so the US office is closing) and what I've found is something similar:

1) Waiting for Godot - Interviewed at a new-online-loan company for a position for Digital Marketing Dir. I used ALL their tools they have in place and had worked with their digital vendor. Didn't pass. Last I looked, 3 months later and according to Linked-in, 122 candidates later, no one has been hired. 122 people and no one is qualified apparently here. You ever see those job-applicant counts at linked-in? 100's of people applying. No one is ever good enough.

2)No Diversity Allowed - Once, FB asked clearly for 6+ yrs experience for a monetization position in exactly the same area I was working at the Startup that was acquired. I went, I interviewed (with a team of all FB lifers). Result? They hire a Stanford MBA grad with no experience beyond an internship at Uber. huh?

3)The Presentation/Project to do - Yes, now another SV favorite of the job interview. A new round of presenting work under ridiculous deadlines and sometimes fake data. Or pick my brain for free time. Yet another confounding exercise that adds very little. 20 slides later, you just blew another 10 non-paid hours in a powerpoint with no use.

4)The Dirty Dozen - How many people you think you need to talk to get an open position? Lately it requires 12+ or more in marketing. Not only they want a 30 min interview with each (for 6 hours) but sometimes 30 minutes is not enough, or usually too long when 4 or 5 people that will interview, you will not work with ever.

Just a couple of months ago, for a 4-month contractor position (covering for someone leaving in maternity leave) I had 2 rounds of interviews, talked to 9 different people...just for 4 months or work. WTF?

5) The Bait & Switch - After all its said and done, either 'the position has been revised down' or 'would you like to be a contractor for a few months' until we get approval for an FTE? Cmon dudes...

6) The Ghost Ship - You go through the interviews, then the company does layoffs, and you are invited again (post layoffs) to interview with a whole new team. Yeah, no thanks.

7) The Double Trouble - Once, I was the last of the 2 candidates. The other won. A few months later, they called me again, saying the position had been opened again. I went back thinking it was just a quick refresh to do before taking the job. But no, they made me interview all over again, and also had other candidates. Didn't get elected again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.