Ask HN: Boss/Founder keeping my departure a secret. What to do?

I think that transparency is key here. He hasn't been transparent with you about his announcement plans, or with the team about you leaving. I recommend being honest with him and the team. Tell him that you'll be announcing your departure to the team today. You could even say that you want to announce it together with him. If he doesn't want to be there, then that's fine too. But it's normal to want to say goodbye, grab lunch / drinks together, or whatever when leaving a job. He doesn't need to be prescriptive about this. I've had people leave my startup, and I've had to fire people. I am telling you right now, it's so much better for morale if someone leaves, then gets fired. It sounds like this guy is taking it personally and is worried his reputation of having someone on his team leave. Sounds like you're making a good move, by moving on.

Again, I would just be honest about your intentions and then deliver the news to everyone.

Thanks. I agree with you on all points. Another factor making this is a little weird is that I'm a remote employee, so I won't be "going away" w/ drinks or luncheon or whatever like most employees do. But yeah, this whole episode sorta confirms that I'm making the right decision. :-/

A little different take then some here. Many founders I have worked with over the years are paranoid that a leaving employee/contractor will steal other employees or others will ask them where they are going and it becomes a distraction etc. So they get really nervous and try to control the situation, in the end it will always backfire on them. IMO, it isn't that the founders are bad people, but they are intently paranoid of anything that can disrupt their team, company etc. What most don't seem to realize is many times it is their own behavior causing the issue, not yours or anyone else. A good/experienced founder would have announced your leaving early on and been open with the team etc, many times I have seen them take credit in a small way saying what you learned there probably made you more valuable (which isn't untrue many times).

My 2 cents, tell a couple of people you like/trust at the company that you are leaving and that you would have told them sooner but that you were respecting the wishes of the founder. They will get it, and if they all know this founder will probably be able to see it. Like you said in other comments, no reason to bad mouth or disparage the situation or Founder, just make it clear you are leaving, as that is important to you.

Also, use Social Media as a benefit here. I am sure if you use LinkedIn for example, a number of your fellow employees are on LinkedIn, update your profile to show you are moving on. They will see it and reach out to you, either today or sometime soon. If they aren't on your connections list, send them connection requests so they can see your profile update etc. Just your connection request will likely trigger some interest.

I would politely insist that an email be sent out by the founder about your departure before the end of day. That way you get a chance of talking to your co-workers and explain the situation in your own words. To be clear, always be polite and never talk disparagingly about the company and co-founder, but the fact that you can't have a proper goodbye is a little strange. I've learned that it's always better to rip off the band-aid as quickly as possible while agreeing on an acceptable and honest message with the employee who is leaving. Better late than never I guess, so I would ask for this first thing this morning.

If it happens, send an email at the end of the day thanking everyone for the time you had with them, the knowledge you gain and the fun you had. Give your personal email and phone number in case there are any questions and/or someone wants to keep in touch with you.

I actually drafted my "goodbye email" yesterday. :) And it was nothing but gracious and positive about the company and its potential, along with my personal contact info. I have no intention of disparaging the company or founder or anything - I'm more professional than that! ^_^

UPDATE: Let my boss politely know that I was uncomfortable w/ this arrangement. He wasn't thrilled, but asked if he could address the team himself so it wouldn't be a complete shock, and of course I agreed. Talking to people discretely after (I'm a remote employee), it sounds like he didn't make it very clear that I gave my notice weeks ago and that everything was above-board on my end, so I told two trusted people what really went down in case it matters but I probably won't tell anyone else. I'll be sending out a goodbye message at the end of the day.

Thanks everyone for your help and suggestions!

The goodbye message is a superb idea, just so everyone knows how professional you were during this period (even though your boss was not).

Just send it before your official termination period (if you specified one) and not after. You should be completely off company resources once you are gone. Include your personal email address in the farewell letter, but do not check company email once you are out the door.

I would just tell my coworkers in private and say my farewells that way, but specify to not spread it around because it was asked that I not for some reason I don't understand. Your coworkers will spread it around themselves but hopefully not get back to your boss. If it does, just say you only told one person in confidence because of your personal relationship, and didn't intend for it to spread.

This solution is good because if your boss tries to bullshit your team, like say you were fired, they will know it's not true but they aren't going to try to contradict your boss either.

Post a link to this in your Slack. They'll figure it out quick. ;)

It might be a good idea to discretely gather contact info for some of the team members you trust. That way you will be able to let folks know privately afterwards.

> he was worried about how it'd impact morale and wanted to make sure it was handled well.

Suggest you and the Boss make a joint-announcement, right after lunch time, group-huddle style.

Tell him you'll make him look good and assure everyone you'll be available to assist in the transition.

I am probably overreacting but something seems odd and you seem to feel this too (hence your post)... protect yourself with paper/email trail. If nothing else your fellow employees should know what happened and that you did your best to leave on good terms with sufficient notice. Hope you at least have an email or two about when you informed your boss you are leaving.

In my opinion the boss has put himself in a corner by delaying the announcement and its not like he can come out and say anything sensible at this point without disparaging you.

My recommendation (as someone who has worked and managed in both small start-ups and large companies):

-- Follow your boss' lead. It's his company. He has a sense for how he wants to stage-manage it, and you should let him do that, as long as he is still your boss and especially if you respect him and care about his opinion.

-- For anyone whom you care about, make sure that you have their contact info (if it's a small team, I presume you already know everyone's phone numbers, FB logins, Twitter handles, etc). Reach out to them next week after you know he's made the announcement and suggest getting together for a beer. If there's any mis-information, you can set the story straight. If they're like, "dude, wtf, why u just skip out?" then you can tell them that the boss asked you not to disclose it.

-- if the founder is going to bad-mouth you, there's nothing to stop him from doing it the day after you leave anyway -- or he would have called the meeting today, not invited you, and sent you home at lunchtime. So stop worrying about something you can't control and roll with it.

Are they asking you to sign a release or any other document as you depart? If so, you could insist on a non-disparagement clause. If they want to wait until after you leave to tell everyone, that's their business, but if they mislead people as to the circumstances of your departure, that potentially injures you.

Nah, haven't been asked for that. But if I am, that's not a bad idea. Might be a little late considering today is my last day. :/

Ping back saying you are not comfortable with that. Which is the truth you aren't.

Don't phrase it as a question either. You have played by his rules till the very end, this last request is not reasonable.

Say goodbye to your colleagues.

Ask him the real reason why you still can't talk about it on the last day ? The whole "it will make the team worry" isn't working anymore. Kind of sounds like a dirty move, I'm afraid.

If any of them read Hacker News, it seems that this will work itself out shortly - you have employment/project history in your profile, so I bet they could figure out that it's you.

Yeah, I removed a lot from my profile but I knew that, without a throwaway, if anyone really tried hard enough they could figure it out.

It's always great to get personal emails etc from your coworkers to keep in touch. Explain, that this is important to you. There is no reasonable excuse for him to stop you.

You could talk to the founder today and say you'd like to say a proper goodbye to your team before you leave. Ask what's the best way to do that in his mind.

Yeah. That's what I'll likely end up doing. Just need to cool off a bit first. :)