Why does nobody seem to be bothered with the apologize and continue as usual outcome? Shouldn't there have been serious implications for the sexual offender?
It's harder to enforce judgements on this kind of thing though, because ambiguity exists about the intention. It's much easier to punish clear "do me a favor for the promotion/bonus" situations.
I agree a blanket "no romance with direct reports" rule is best.
I'm just astonished she didn't get an immediate transfer to another group. I would be livid if this was happening and HR didn't remove the power dynamic immediately.
So what would you do if a manager and his/her report fall in love (mutually)? Fire the manager? If not, then your "rule" can't be applied indiscriminately.
The default position should be to assume that everybody is uncomfortable with everything unless otherwise stated.
It's like a good firewall policy - default block all and then explicitly allow.
"Not wanting to be sexually harassed would make someone unhappy and miserable in a workplace" was not the assertion. The assertion was "going to such extremes as to guarantee that no claims of sexual harassment could at any time be made against you would make you unhappy and miserable in a workplace".
This isn't an absolute kind of issue.
If instead you meant "assume that everybody is uncomfortable with everything [approaching any kind of sexual tone]", then that's more realistic but simultaneously introduces a lot more gray area.
It reminded me of the veil (no offence to any culture). And I am sure you don't imply that. But if you advocate the other extreme, then there is always the risk of it going extreme in other direction.
To use your analgoy, you could run a server entirely via port 22. But it can't host a webpage, run game servers, or do much of anything else if it only accepts SSH via 22.
The process of socializing is kind of like vetting another server to see if you can trust them enough to use FTP or whatever. Sometimes, yeah, they screw with you; but not always. And the benefits once you do find someone trustworthy are greater than the chance of a bad actor.
Now, whether or not one should trust coworkers, and how much, is a personal question. You gotta decide that on your own.
Under absolutely no circumstances is it even remotely appropriate for a manager to flirt with any direct reports. It is always 100% wrong and there is never any room for this type of bullshit.
If not, then it's hard to say "it is always 100% wrong".
And then, what about the rest of the team? How do they feel about the relationship? Does it hurt their ability to do their jobs? Do they feel they are treated fairly?
The way that you have worded that scenario makes me think that nobody in the organization knew about the relationship before the wedding. In that case, I would likely want to fire the manager, though I can see how that could open up a metric shit ton of litigation, so I may not get my wish.
If I couldn't outright terminate the manager, at minimum, I would make sure that he/she was no longer his/her spouse's direct manager. That might mean a transfer to another department, or it might even mean a demotion.
Perhaps most damaging, I would never particularly trust the manager or his/her judgment again. Continuing to supervise someone who you are in love with is just an incredible conflict of interest. Keeping it a secret and not giving me the chance to make sure that there are controls in place just makes it all the worse.
Just a few notes to my answer:
1.) I am Canadian and Canadian courts have ruled that managers have an implied duty to make sure that the workplace is not poisoned by sexual harassment. Further, they have ruled that managers also have an implied duty to protect the company itself from any sort of harassment claim.
2.) I am a huge fan of written policy forbidding romantic relationships between a manager and his/her direct reports.
So, assuming everything was done correctly ("by the book") after the relationship had begun, would you still consider flirting inappropriate in all circumstances?
> 2.) I am a huge fan of written policy forbidding romantic relationships between a manager and his/her direct reports.
In an ideal world, this would be awesome. In the real world, people fall in love unexpectedly (even if they don't want to). What do you want them to do in that case? Repress their feelings, hide and lie about their relationship, quit their jobs hoping that it was worth it? I firmly believe that reasonable, emotionally mature people are able to handle relationships (and breakups) in a normal, not psychopathic or disturbing way.
Who would ask his love interest to sit on his lap at work?
Do you really think that this is appropriate for even lovers in the workplace?
Even if there was something going there between them, it's unprofessional to flirt and fool around while working. Call me old school or what but we have weekends and off-work hours for these types of activities and everyone should make use of them accordingly.
If it was the first time this guy has done something wrong, which is kind of unbelievable, then it's not a horrible result. Maybe he really is just that socially backwards that he needed an HR intervention to learn what everyone fucking should know. But the cynic in most of us is saying that this is a pattern of behavior that was probably repeated in a more covert manner.