You are assuming that the only purpose of certification is to catch actively malicious developers. I can think of many other perfectly good reasons to have one: to make sure server response times are fast enough, to make sure it fits the guidelines for types of content they want in their ecosystem, to make sure it doesn't blatantly violate any trademarks, etc.
I don't think the concept of a certification process is the problem, just the implementation is terrible (compared to the Apple process which is merely "poor")