Look, I get how it's an amusing and poignant metaphor for what a bad idea key escrow is, but we all know that (unlike strong encryption) dinky luggage locks never provided any meaningful security in the first place. I pulled one apart with my hands once when I lost the key. You definitely don't need bolt cutters.
The outrage at this "spectacular failure" feels a little insincere. You want to convince me the government can't keep sensitive data secure, the OPM hack is closer to the mark.