> So, xz, lzop, and gzip are all the "best" at something. Bzip2 isn't the best at anything anymore.
Two points:
(1) It's very, very easy for the best solution to a problem not to simultaneously be the best along any single dimension. If you see a spectrum where each dimension has a unique #1 and all the #2s are the same thing, that #2 solution is pretty likely to be the best of all the solutions. Your hypothetical example does actually make a compelling argument that bzip2 is useless, but that's not because it doesn't come in #1 anywhere; it's because it comes in behind xz everywhere. (Except ubiquity, but that's likely to change pretty quickly in the face of total obsolescence.)
(2) lzop, in your example, is technically "the best at something". But that something is compression and decompression speed, and if your only goal is to optimize those you can do much better by not using lzop (0 milliseconds to compress and decompress!). So that's actually a terrible hypothetical result for lzop.
Heck, zero compression easily wins three of your four categories.