SIR! I SAY SIR! WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY THIS GENU-INE BOTTLE OF CALIFORNIA RATTLESNAKE OIL?! IT IS GUARANTEED* TO CURE WHAT AILS YOU!

*guarantee not FDA approved. Ingestion or skin contact with Rattlesnake oil may result in loss of life, loss of limb, cotton mouth, and spontaneous human combustion.