A statistical test _is_ a distinguisher! This seems self-evident to me. When the test repeatedly fails (with an extreme p-value or whatever criteria you want to apply here for 'failure'), you have successfully distinguished the sequence from random. Also you seem to misunderstand what I meant by equidistribution---uniformity is a different property, and of course crucial. I am puzzled, then, as to why you claim some generators are more 'uniform' than cryptographic ones.
Any pseudorandom bit generator whose next bit cannot be predicted in under 2^n "operations" also passes _all_ statistical tests that require less than this computational effort. This is a well-known result by Yao. In other words, unpredictability and indistinguishability are equivalent. In the case of, e.g., AES-CTR, n = 64 (birthday-bound distinguishers force it to be 64 instead of 128).
Your philosophizing about what true randomness really is does not strike me as very useful for practical purposes. Given unbounded computational power, obviously no such algorithm is actually indistinguishable. But who cares?