Wow, seriously, fuck these people. There has to be a technical solution to this, since it's infeasible to find/fix/finish the Armada Collective.

SMTP/IMAP/etc. are pretty crappy protocols in a lot of ways, but they're what everyone has deployed. They can be proxied like HTTP/HTTPS. There are spam/reputation issues with outgoing traffic, too, which makes this even more annoying.