Do human rights exist?

Rights do not inherently exist. We create them to further our existence, usually.

No they don't. They are just another set of rules that are created by a bunch of people and other bunch of people apply them to everyone else.

Insofar as one is obligated to not "infringe on them"?

Not in being deserved by default, or in any case, though?

.. This is satire-ish right? (I know it says it isn't)

Absolutely human rights exist. At least for those that have the power and leverage to demand them. For everyone else, not so much.