Insightful! I didn't know it was that bad. Did your team ever consider using something like Turbo Studio (called Spoon Studio until recently), which is a bit like Docker, but different, and for Windows?
Their promise is that they basically solve most of the problems you mention, so I'm curious how well it stands up in practice or why you choose not to use it.
EDIT: I'm a bit confused: I just got two downvotes for asking a question. So just to be absolutely clear: I don't have any relationship with Turbo or whatsoever.