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Why can't you just have a generic face and a series of mutations for each of the reactions, and then average among the mutations?

It wouldn't really work, but it might be one of those features that drives more engagement because it's "unintentionally" funny.

Like Super Mario 64? https://youtu.be/Nn-Rz6lBGW0

My guess as to what FB will do: treat them all as a "like" with respect to engagement statistics (i.e. do we show this post to more people?)

And simultaneously, use all the emotions to train a ridiculously good sentiment analysis system.

This. They should have worked harder to get useful customer information, that would also benefit the reader. Easily done using multiple scales: Like <-->Dislike Spam <--> More of this, and so on.