>It's pretty common that when someone learns our daughter has autism they say "She's so beautiful, she won't have any trouble". I'm still not sure what that means.
We get the "she's beautiful" thing often as well. If I had to guess, I think it's a reference to the fact that her disability may be harder to recognize than some others (Downs Syndrome or a prominent physical disability come to mind) and she'll be able to blend in when she's not exhibiting more noticeable and negative autistic behaviors (stimming, vocal stimming, self-injurious behavior, aggression). She has a friend with Downs and I like to watch how other children and adults react to the them when we're in public together.
The other thought I get when I hear "beautiful" is, in basic terms,"her looks are a good quality that helps balance the less attractive aspects of her behavior". We're very conscious of keeping up her appearance (hygiene, clothes) primarily for the purposes of the school and others who take care of her. Since she doesn't speak, keeping her looking cared for at least lets caretakers know that she is loved and we expect her to be treated as a human being. I imagine parents of typical children might have that same philosophy, but I can only speak to my experience.