Some people think being supportive means being nice, but I think you may be legit and I need to give you some harsh feedback:
1) Don't lead with "I fucked up bad" when begging for work. It doesn't make me want to hire you and many workplaces are still require professionalism and cursing is going to mean you're not getting hired or going to be fired in pretty short order (debating the merits is pointless because you need the work and their money is green)
2) I wish you luck but I don't see how this gets you any leads. I don't know where you are and have no idea about how good you are. You are self-taught so I have to assume the worst absent a portfolio or references. Obviously you can't link to either here for reasons you mention, so it just seems unproductive.
3) You have poor people skills and you don't seem to realize it. Seriously, stop using the "fuck" at work RIGHT NOW. Full stop. Don't curse at all. You have four kids and a nonworking spouse, and being edgy is a really unwise indulgence. Also you were an intern without a degree in the field and really misjudged your leverage and value. Your exchange with the CEO after being let go was in very poor judgement and probably burned bridges that might be valuable to you now, regardless of what you think of him.
4) Why aren't you submitting resumes to every temp agency in the area? In your financial situation and given what your prior salary was, why aren't you applying for any retail job that you can?
5) The financials of your ex-job are uninteresting and irrelevant. Knowing them does nothing for your situation, and you have made it absolutely certain you will never work there again. They
fired you, so it doesn't really behoove you to put them in a good light.
6) Your wife is going to find out about this so you should tell her.
edit: I wrestled with bringing this up, but you mention several times what kind of laptop you had versus what kind your coworkers had and that you bought an unaffordable laptop for a part time internship. You can usually find passable used laptops on craigslist and such that are very inexpensive. Getting by on one of those is a lot more impressive than a loaded out Macbook, so why should this have mattered to you?