I love the stuff, but for me it was incredibly dangerous because of precisely how much I loved it. Once I start up smoking, I can't stop. I'd go through a quarter every two days. I would smoke as soon as I got up, as soon as I got home from work, all through the night, waking up every hour or so to smoke. I would stop seeing my friends (none of whom smoke), I would stop going out. I had no patience to read or code, and so all I would do was lie on the couch and watch TV or lie in bed listening to music. I stopped working out because moving took too much energy. I stopped self-improvement. I lost any intellectual curiosity. Sure, I would write down my moments of "great high inspiration" which were usually meaningless strings of words in childlike handwriting (because my fine motor skills are pretty terrible on the weed) that sober me was embarrassed of.

Some people can function perfectly fine on the stuff, but my addictive brain absolutely cannot handle it, and I'm much, much better without it.

But I love it.

I love it.

And every day it's really, really hard not to just give up and call my guy and smoke the night away.