I started on Bupropion (Wellbutrin) a few years ago because I was feeling low + irritable, and thought meds might have a positive impact. The general groupthink at the time was that taking SS(n)RIs was a solid "not super serious" option for tackling anxiety and depression... that you could just "try it out". Initially I didn`t feel any difference. A little stomach upset, but nothing especially positive or negative. People around me said they`d noticed my mood was uplifted, so I thought "what the heck, may as well continue on with it". Over the months I found myself slipping further and further away from goals, connections, and general "get up and go". But because I still experienced ups and downs (some days were still great, I wasn't completely flat), I just thought I had to "make some positive life changes". To put that in perspective, my life wasn't/isn't anything to complain about: good friends, supportive family, understanding job with good pay, and I'm in good health/fit and work out regularly. But it FELT like nothing was "clicking", that everything I did was meaningless. It really felt like nothing was ever enough, and I would become frustrated that there was no reward in anything I liked doing. Small things could ruin an otherwise great day because my bar was so low. It felt like I was running on empty, in regards to fulfillment. I asked my doctor (who had superscribed me the Bupropion in the first place) if it was safe for me to continue on with it. He said "there was no harm", and suggested it was a benign drug. I took that to heart and continued to believe that my issues with motivation were due to an increasingly severe bout of depression or personal failing. It was only when I confessed to my partner that I had difficulty finding reasons to continue on with life that I started to consider it might not be ME/my brain causing the issue. It wasn't just a bad day that would make me contemplate ending it anymore, it was normal days, days which were nothing special. "Well, this is unimpressive... may as well just end it" was becoming a very blasé everyday thought, and yet I was so detached that I didn't think that was odd, and had no hesitation revealing it. My partner was horrified, naturally, and started looking up the side-effects of Bup. It'd been so long since I'd been on it, that it wasn't an immediately obvious cause and effect, but that was definitely the source of the anhedonia. Within two weeks of ceasing the meds, I feel more and more connected to the world, finding everyday things fulfilling again. It's no longer like scrabbling at little moments of joy: I can actually just sit back and feel good, without a constant barrage of interesting/pleasurable things. Looking back, it's obvious I was having issues, but seeing them from within the very specific brand of null emotion Bupropion created, was impossible. I can still clearly remember that feeling of "everything is pointless" and thinking right after "I better just try harder to find a point" rather than assessing that there might have been something wrong. The fact I could still have really good days/fun times threw me for a real loop. At any rate, that was rambly (side effect #2 = less sharp cognitively, and I'm still regaining my acuity) but hopefully I got the feeling across of losing yourself in the meds.