The most American thing there is: eating alone | Hacker News Reader

The most American thing there is: eating alone

washingtonpost.com

19 pointse15ctr0n14 comments

I was just discussing how American culture is, on its surface, highly extroverted yet actually quite introverted. We value an extroverted personality, but then people generally go home to isolated suburban homes, eat alone quietly while watching TV, watch more TV then go to bed. Families can be extremely individualistic, meaning people hardly spend time with extended families.

When I was in southern Europe recently I couldn't help but notice how people would sit in restaurants or cafes and talk for hours. Honestly I have no idea how they can converse for so long and what they talk about.

Of course as I understand it the further north you go the more introverted and achievement-oriented the culture becomes, like America.

I don't mind it but of course I'm biased, I'm American and somewhat introverted. I like that I can be introverted and eat alone or watch a movie alone and nobody cares and when I feel like it I can be extroverted and chat up strangers or have some good office banter.

> When I was in southern Europe recently I couldn't help but notice how people would sit in restaurants or cafes and talk for hours. Honestly I have no idea how they can converse for so long and what they talk about.

As an American, this baffles and saddens me. Have you never had a close friend that you can just gab with for hours about shared interests, current events, and so on?

That might be possible on an occasional basis, but less so on a daily basis in a family situation.

My wife and I have a limit of one Work-Day Story each at the dinner table, because any more than that becomes boring for the other person. She really has no interest in the programmatic internals of insurance systems.

I am an extremely social person, but nearly every weekday I eat lunch alone.

My main motivation is it's literally the only time during the week when I can be alone, so I take advantage of that time. Most days I go for a 45 minute walk and listen to a podcast, then grab a sandwich or a salad and eat it back at my desk while browsing the web.

It really makes a huge difference in my day.

I'm an American crazy about food (and dining, alone or with others), and I found this one out the hard way.

Back in March I was growing crazy from New Hampshire's winter so I bought a ticket to Portugal. I learned the words for "thank you" and "sorry" and some menu-critical vocab and hopped on a plane to find a bit of sun, do some street photography, and try the food.

It was a big unintended consequence of having no one to go with. Dining alone at night simply isn't done there. At all. Only one restaurant I found had a bar counter, and it was a lunch place. There was no "eating at the bar" like I'd do anywhere in the US.

Every night I was the only person in each restaurant dining alone (for a week, no exceptions). In a city I found this really surprising. This makes it harder to meet people (no bar counter where you can talk to a bartender and other diners), which I think is too bad for solo travelers. It was a little alienating, I definitely felt like the oddball each night.

At Terra (fantastic veg-only place in Lisbon) one couple near me did say Bon Appetit, seemingly out of pity that I had nobody else with me, which seemed nice of them.

The solo-dining culture must be a plus of traveling within the US, I'd think for some. At least I've met/talked to interesting people at a bar counter before in different places, even in my hometown.

Love eating alone, me. In the UK I always feel a bit weird, but I love sitting on the bar of a American brunch place, drinking limitless coffee till i'm buzzed out of my tree, and eating on the counter. Also the US coffee shops are full of people working alone, reading, doing their thing. In Europe, people cling to each other like monkeys at dinner time, and I feel like a real freak, and bat away pitying glances for fun, so I much prefer the US way.

This trend validates the appeal of Soylent, whose users views eating as a waste of time, rather than a social experience.

And taste a waste of stimulus

The Soylent founder that everyone thinks is crazy eats Soylent exclusively at home. He also talks about how much he enjoys eating out.

I recall a past article about Americans have a strong irrational aversion to eating alone. Generalizations are fun

Well, it's definitely a generalization, but I would say it's right for some Americans. I'll eat alone without hesitation, but many of my friends will not, and have a strong aversion to it. I think there's a point to be made that it isn't so much that we don't feel anxious about eating alone, but that no one in our shared culture thinks it's unusual to see an adult eating alone. By shared culture, I mean to acknowledge that there are several regional culture groups that could be described as distinct in the USA, and by unusual, I mean to say that it wouldn't be viewed as there being something off about the person. But I do think that the case can't be made that we, as a culture, enjoy eating alone.

That's a big difference between work here and over in Italy - there, most everyone went out to eat together every day. I miss that a bit (although I'm really happy to be back in the US for other things).

As a Canadian, I wonder if Canada is more like America or Europe in this regard. I suppose that it'll be an experiment the next time I go out to eat alone.

The Author clearly hasn't travelled much. In Japan, many restaurants are geared entirely towards solo diners and drinkers.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com