You're right about harassment/explicit sexual messaging, but I wasn't speaking about
that case. I was speaking about a lack of response in general. Some people, regardless of gender, simply
don't get the message. For example, this ex-coworker of mine:
http://i.imgur.com/udbGjWI.png (history goes back to 2013 without a single response).
People get all up in arms about bullying and namecalling or racism against strangers - but psychological abuse is perfectly acceptable.
I feel bad for not responding - but she knew me before my transition and I don't feel comfortable telling a coworker who was romantically interested in me (and made it known to me) that I've transitioned. Especially since I'm still stealth and especially because they know other people I'm still in contact with.
>I don't think your example really accounts for the myriad of ways this man could have gracefully handled being turned down.
Being ignored is not being turned down.
>nor should it be a "social requirement" for people to have to turn down unwanted advances explicitly (that's ridiculous).
Until people have telepathy and can tell when an advance is unwanted without cue, I disagree. Implicitly to you doesn't mean implicitly to everyone. What you might think is giving off one message could be picked up as an entirely different message by someone else. Non-direct communication has the whole problem of not being direct. Here, have an example:
A girl I knew in high school used to avoid me in the halls going between classes. I've made some attempts at speaking to her, but she's never responded and always ran off. Knowing only this implicit information, which of the following is true:
a) she was afraid of me and trying to avoid me
b) she had a crush on me and got embarrassed when I was around
With the information I've given you - it could be either one. Couldn't it? I'll give you the answer though: it was B and we later ended up dating. But it was only because I made the effort to "keep bothering her" because I was picking up "B" as her implicit message. What if she actually felt like "A"? How different would that have been for her?
What if my advances were unwanted attention and were making her feel more uncomfortable? I'd have no way of knowing. (And you'd think of me as some pushy asshole for it, thanks.)
Thinking she has a crush on me, I might be a bit more pushy and outgoing with my advances because I think she likes me. Which would make her feel even more uncomfortable.
If I was interpreting her "A" message as a "B" message, she's making things much harder on herself than if she was explicit about her "A" feelings.
If I picked up on "B" messages but she meant "A" that makes me an asshole in your book.
If she meant "B", and my actions would have been the same if she meant "A" due to the implicit message, I should still be considered an asshole. Since my actions were the same!
Finally, if I assume "A" even though it's "B" would I be an insensitive asshole?
I don't see any way in that scenario where I wouldn't be an asshole. I have to take a chance and hope she means "B" like I think she does for a "mutually beneficial result" to happen (though I'm still an asshole).