$250k / year will only support a "decent single-guy lifestyle"? That's just insane anywhere in the world (except maybe if your last name happens to be Al Saud).
For comparison, that is significantly above the average salary of a European prime minister. German Chancellor Angela Merkel makes slightly more than $250k / year.
That's a big deal. Stop looking at the top-line number and exaggerating the lifestyle in your head. The costs here are insane. Someone earning $250k here is probably doing about as well, financially, as an engineer earning market-rate in any other part of the country.
But hey, if your baseline for "fantastic" is the family in NYC that can barely afford housing, then have at it.
Even paying 4k for a decent home still gives you 8k a month for other things. Thats fantastic.
NYC also has a functional transit infrastructure. My cousin makes around $250k, commutes a little less than an hour by train, and owns a home that is essentially a mini-estate.
SFO is a gold rush town, but the model isn't sustainable. A shit-ton of semiconductor research has moved to save $$$ to Albany, NY of all places.
The top-end engineer salary of $160k doesn't go very far here, right now. I'm sure that the distance it goes feels like a lot when you're 23 and one foot out of the dorm room, but when you get older and start wanting to have an adult life (children, saving for retirement, maybe buying a place), it isn't even remotely enough.
$250k, in San Francisco, will rent you a market-rate, one-bedroom apartment ($4k, until they raise the rent next year), and let you live a pretty good lifestyle as a single person: you'll have something like $10k per month after taxes. If you're frugal, and don't go out much, you can get by on maybe $2k a month in expenses. That leaves $8k to save, invest, spend on children, etc.
We aren't talking about big, glamorous lifestyles here.
If your baseline for living includes owning two luxury cars that you store in a private garage, a brand new luxury apartment, shopping exclusively at Whole Foods, having maids clean your house and take care of your children, and sending your kids to elite private schools, then yeah 250k a year is basically poverty. Life as an engineer sure is hard.
Eating out at a restaurant that isn't a taqueria or in-n-out is about $20-$30 a person at the low end. A drink at a bar will set you back at least $6, and probably more like $12-$15. Getting your one-bedroom apartment cleaned once a month will cost you about $100-$150.
I don't have children, but not-rich friends who do have told me that unless you live in a "good" neighborhood and/or your kid can be bussed long distances, you really have to consider paying for private schools, and that's something like 20k a year, per child.
So one-bedroom, one car of parking (not counting maintenance or the cost of the car), eating out at a modest place once a week: $3500 + $200 + $320 + $120 = $4140/mo. That's frugal. Want a kid? Dramatically more.
While $250K is certainly a comfortable level for a single person, it is not as outrageous as it may seem to people outside of the really high-cost areas in the US.
To have a salary of $250k means that you are well off, in fact I seem to recall that being the cut-off for the 1% range.
Also, how does wanting to be paid well imply that he's out of touch with "humanity"? Are you comparing the engineering salary dilemma to those who lack food and shelter? That's a pretty silly comparison.
Sorry, when you said humanity, it read as being out of touch with all the trials and tribulations of man kind. My mistake if that's not what you meant.
$250k is easily enough for a family of 4 to live a reasonably affluent lifestyle.
Also, if you're a decent programmer in NYC, you'll make 20% more than your counterpart in SF. The downside is that NYC finance jobs don't involve equity packages. The upside is that there are bonuses (wildly variable) and there's much more of a career track. Finance companies care more about their peoples' careers than Bay Area tech companies, and that's a big part of why the techies end up answering to finance in the end.