As if programming in YAML or JSON is any better. And programming in platform-specific SQL, for all non-trivial purposes, ties you to the specific flavor of DBMS.

What I want is a DSL that is a platform-agnostic DSL: terse, typechecked, possibly "compiled" to some IR, with basics of semantic analysis, with support for (or at least awareness of) the quirks of the specific underlying platform.