The people who hold the keys to worldwide Internet security

I believe --- but can't really say for sure --- that they're talking about the DNSSEC root keys.

Which means absolutely none of this matters in the least. It's a little embarrassing (a) that they even do these silly ceremonies and (b) that anyone would write a news story about them.

All that security theatre and yet there's hundreds, maybe thousands of root certificates out there, that can sign any website on the planet.

I can't believe I read through an entire article about Tom cruise and man traps and seismic sensors and never once learned what the fuck these magic keys actually do.

If you're relying on DNS for security, you're doing it wrong.

This is from 2014, and this is not "scary" nor even really newsworthy...